Luckily I have just taken a klonopin to

knock some of the edge off my cranky disposition. I mean, I am feel RUSTY pissed off today, if that makes any sense. Pretty soon I shall be in "I love the world and all people are special and beautiful" sedative-induced state.

Things today that have bugged the tiny rabbit turd SHIT out of me:

--being prepared to catch the 8:00 bus

but having to take my 2nd poop of the morning (I can't hold that stuff, painful!) so I have to catch the 8:20 bus. Mind you, I don't have to be at work until 10:00 if I so choose, but I don't want to make up lots of extra time because I am leaving at 4:30 to go to have a yummy muscle-mending, melting massage (wow! Look at all that alliteration (sp?)).

---having to take off my headphones (I was in a T-REX trance, I play my music LOUD) in order to answer somebody's comment/question/nothing/meaningless chit-chat all because they can't tell (or don't care) that I can't hear them because I am wearing headphones..ARGH!

Note to Strangers ANYWHERE..sometimes I just want to be left the FUCK alone!!

(Then there are the other times when I want to sit down next to the street people in Pioneer Square and ask them their life story, but that was not how I felt this morning!)

---Ok, this one is reallly UN-PC and if someone judges me as a heartless bitch because of it, I'm sorry, but people in wheelchairs with cerebral palsy that can only grunt when they speak or have such slurred speech when they talk, I don't really want to chat w/them. The nice side of me says "Oh, they are just another person like you but with a different way of dealing with things" but I admit it..I don't like conversing with people in wheelchairs whom I can't understand verbally nor do I like being engaged in ridiculous 10 year old mentality conversations with retarded middle aged men. I know I'll go to hell for stating these flaws in my "nice girl" persona, but...I get sick of being nice, goddamnit!

I took some questions to my boss today (I feel that my training here has holes in it..missing pieces for sure..not my fault, definetly their fault!) The philosphy of where I work is "look in your tools packet" for the appropriate procedure on how to handle this or that. This just irks me. I want hands on/person sitting next to me, showing me exactly what to do..just a once over,

rather than "oh, read this"...anyways

boss asks me if I have the handout for sending to clinics to indicate "we have no referral" for this patient. We realize I was gone/sick the day she had a meeting where she handed these out. She became defensive "I know I put copies in your box, Stacey" with this unspoken tone of disapproval and "you are un-organized and your memory is shit" look coming from her eyes. I full well know that when I get bogged down w/memos, procedures, junk mail, etc. I can misplace, lose it, throw it away. I try to be organized, but JESUS H. I'm only human..just give me another copy of what I'm missing without the bogus guilt trip about how I should get my stuff organized..well NO SHIT! I just am sick of this stupid stupid paper pushing job.

I went to lunch and ate fairly decent pizza and god knows why but everywhere I looked were young urban professionals in their neat khaki's and white or light blue button downs..or even worse yet The Suits with their expensive leather briefcases..they all seem to know each other and they all shake hands and discuss their various business transactions..it just makes me wanna PUKE! All this money, money, money

business, associates, lunches with the boss (never had one of those), shiny leather shoes w/tassels (do these men ever dare to wear sandals and jeans when it is warm outside? get a grip!)

Anyways, I'm rambling, but sometimes I just feel like judging others and I come to the conclusion that I can't stand/can't relate to more than 5 people that I've ever seen or met on this entire planet!! thank god my husband wears jeans w/patched holes, punk rock tshirts (each and every one of them stained by his inability to hold his coffeee cup correctly!) If I was married to a successful business man I would kill myself! Jay refers to himself as a loser alot because he can't figure out what he wants to do with his life and for doing delivery jobs that pay shit, but I'd rather have him do this than be a corporate lawyer.

I hope this band, The Highbeams, he is in starts to kind of go someplace. I think they are good and slightly original (at least for what is around Seattle currently)...Anyways. That is my rant for today....I wish I was a little kid again, going to watch Uncle John play on the T-Boro baseball team during the summer, going to the concession stand, eating hotdogs and candy that mom bought me. I hate all sports but I just wanted to go and hang out w/my mom..sometimes I feel like there is still an invisible umbilical cord attached to her..I just can't get enough of her. It was worse when we lived in the same town. I would go over there constantly for no reason other than to eat what she cooked, do laundry and just be NEAR her. She is such an awesome mom. You'd have to meet her to understand. Sometimes when I think about how much I love my mom and realize that one day she will die, I get tears in my eyes and think "How the fuck will I go on." I mean, I'm an adult, but she is such a comforting person and I know I can always "go home" as she says to me, but what about when she's gone? I won't have another parent left because Real dad and step dad just don't count or cut it, which breaks me heart, those bastards!

God! Time to stop..I need to work.

A good thing for today.

I heard a little boy tell his dad "Hey Dad, Daddy, today I touched a tiny fly"

That made me smile!!!