This entry will be memories of my maternal Grandmother: Marie Adele Harshbarger (AKA: Marie Adele Maley). She died this morning at the age of 83 (? I think). My mother called me on the phone and simply said "Grandma died today." I can't seem to shed any tears and I guess that is the way I always am when my loved ones die. I imagine that when I'm actually AT the Wake (The Irish Wake for those of you that aren't Irish Catholic is the visitation/viewing of "the body" and people come by and give their condolescences, etc. The other part of the Irish Wake is when people in my family get fucking drunk, cry and laugh alot, bringing out pictures of the departed and telling funny stories. Its actually a wonderful way to celebrate the "passing on" of a person from this life to whatever comes next. I think my Grandma's spirit will be around drinking as much Guinness as a ghost can handle. She LOVED her Guinness. You'd ask Grandma "Say, do you like to drink Guinness" and Her eyes would light up and she'd get this fiery smirk and literally lick her lips and say "Oh, I just LOVE to have a Guinness now and then.MMMMMMM". It always cracked me up. She is the grandmother who introduced "Shithook" into my vocabulary. At my cousin's wedding I was being sassy and generally a punk-ass and my Uncle JOhn was going around calling me "Marie Jr." because I guess I seemed to have taken on alot of her personality traits. Funny and ornery, sassy and melo-dramatic and high-strung. God Love you Grandma. I know you are up in Heaven or wherever people go (cuz I just haven't figured that out quite yet) teasing Grandpa (who always said he was bald because you'd get mad at him and pull all his hair out) and you guys are snuggling up to each other and having your beers! I'm going to read a poem at either the wake or Funeral that I wrote about my grandma and the Amish (there are connections between the two..you'd know if you knew me well enough)..it is called From Ivesdale to Arthur. Its perfect to read in memory and honor of the spitfire that my Grandma always was. I remember about 10-15 years ago when our family for the first time in ages didn't go to grandmas for Xmas dinner. We all decided she'd had to cook her fair share of big family dinners of the years so we all went to Jumer's Castle Lodge (some of you know exactly about Jumer's and its gaudy Bavarian decor that is just so great!)..anyways, lotsa family drinking..suddenly in the middle of dinner, in the middle of Jumers Castle Lodge..Grandma Marie stands up and shouts drunkingly with glee "I'm so Glad I didn't have to cook that GoD Damn Xmas dinner this year!" WE all laughed...she sat back down and didn't seem to care that she had made a funny, drunken scene. I also remember my Grandma always had this phrase which was sort of sarcastic for "Oh, me? I'm just minding my own fucking business"..she'd just say "Oh, I just look out the window and whistle" when it came to lifes problems (she was being sarcastic, though)..she was never the sweet old, powdery cheeked, white haired grannie. She was cussing, drinking, fussing with something all the time. Probably drove herself (and her offspring) insane at points. But god damn, Grandma Marie..I will miss you and I promise to carry on your legacy and I really think I might write your story/memoirs one day cuz you were a firecracker. A real firecracker. Whether you are in Heaven, Hell, Purgatory or reincarnated as a nun (God, that would have just PISSED her off to be reincarnated as a NUN!)..I know that your soul is just flaming red. Just like you. Red was the color that she wore. My grandma loved red. She has red roomsi n her house. She had red towels and sinks and curtains and carpets and she crocheted my a red afghan. I'm tempted to pour some Guinness over her grave when they lower her down into the earth. But I'm afraid other family members might think that inappropriate..then again..what the fuck am I saying? These are bunch of manic-depressive alkies..they'd probably cheer me on!! I'd also like to put a bundle of red yarn and some knitting needles in her casket with her..cuz she's gotta occupy her time somehow:)

*Sniff*...I love you grandma and you'll always be in my heart and I think I truly am your living legacy. I hope I can live up to your red hot reputation, Marie...B.M. as my uncle called her...BiG Marie.

Sleep well, grandma and dance a couple of hornpipes while you are at it. I hope you are roaming the Irish countryside as I write this

I Love you!

do the jerk * do the frug