The last two days have been pretty intense. Yesterday I woke up at 4am, got ready in a hurry and rushed off to the airport. I arrived in Champaign, IL at 2:30 pm. Luckily the flight went well, wasn't too long and American Airlines has alot of LEG ROOM. My brother and stepdad picked me up and I went to where I am staying (my mom's friend, Charlottes beautiful house) for about an hour and then ZOOM...we're off to my grandma Marie's visitation. I got to see alot of cousins and aunts and uncles and other distance relatives I didn't recognize and made alot of small talk about nothing. It is always kinda of scary to me to go and view the body. I mean, I KNOW my grandma wasn't really IN her body but it was strange. Even though I loved my grandmother I couldn't touch her skin. I have to admit that I had this fear that her eyes would pop open and she'd be alive again. Seen too many horror movies, obviously. It didn't really LOOK like Grandma. Her hair was all fluffed up in a way she would have complained about (she would have cussed a hairdresser OUT if they did her hair like that when she was alive)...she looked all pinched and way too stern and serious. It was just strange and surreal. I was really pretty collected and calm throughout that whole ordeal until I saw my Uncle MIke (My Grandma's oldest child) go up to view the body and he just started shaking and weeping and I just started crying. It is strange seeing a full grown man who always looks very stoic and has a booming deep voice seem so vunerable. My other uncle, Abby was also crying alot and that also made me cry, so I went in a corner and tryed to control myself (God knows why I was trying to HIDE my tears at her visitation but I'm just like that)..I was also jonesing for a cigarette like something fierce. Sorrow and Anger definetly feed my half-ass nicotine addiction. After the visitation, a couple of my cousins, my brother and I went into Ivesdale to the Blarney Stone (which is a pub..duh!) and It happened to be karoake night and all the small-town locals where there (Ok..I'll say..all the rednecks!) and I only had 1 drink but I was inspired to make an ass out of myself and I got up and sang Joan Jett's "I Love ROck-n-Roll" AND later on I sang that Devo song "Whip it". It was fun and I cracked myself (and my family) up. I didn't get home until about midnight and was very very jetlagged and tired but couldn't go to sleep unfortunately so I was tired when I woke up this morning. We left the house this morning and went to the funeral home for a last viewing of Grandma (and I put a lucky Irish penny (1968) in the casket with her) and we all said goodbye one last time. Then we followed the whole funeral procession line (we were the first car after the hearse..talk about rock star living:) he he..can't believe I just said that!) to the church and we had the funeral. For the eulogy, my AUnt MaryJane told some funny stories about my grandma's working days as an industrial nurse at USI and Kraft (people were always playing pranks on her!) and then I got up there and read two poems I'd written in the past that involved grandma and I don't know if SOMETHING was helping along but I felt extremely relaxed, confident and just HAPPY and full of love when I was up there reading these poems and people were laughing (cuz they were humorous) and I didn't stumble over my words and..well, my delivery was just kick ass to tell you the truth. Considering the circumstances..I was amazed at how well my "Poetry reading" went. The whole church even APPLAUDED after I read which shocked me cuz this is a FUNERAL for godsakes. It was the perfect timing for laughter, though because right before we all went up to read this local guy that new grandma sang a very sad Irish ballad in a beautiful Irish lilting accent (though he isn't FROM Ireland..) and everyone was starting to bawl and then WHAM, BAM..here comes the comic relief. To end the eulogy my amazingly brave and theatrical 12 year old cousin, Jenna read a sweet poem she had written for Grandma. Then it was off to the graveyard to lay her to rest and it was fucking COLD out but luckily the priest didn't ramble all on too long with his mumbo-jumbo. Then we all went back to a Hall next to the church and stuffed our faces with a great meal of fried chicken and sandwiches and scalloped potatoes and cornbread and baked beans and green bean casseroles and tons of desserts (pies, cakes, brownies)...I ended up talking alot w/my cousin Ginger, who was always my fave (and the one I was closest to when I was little) about alot of things and that was really nice cuz we've lost touch over the past 10-13 years. We went back to Grandmas house, which felt kind of sad and lonely without her being in it..I cryed a little there...talked to a bunch of relatives so more, drank a beer, smoked a few cigarettes...sometime when I am less tired I"ll have to write the "SAGA of Eddie Pembroke"....the story of sad alcoholic who I called Jesus when I was a little kid on account of him having really long hair in the 70's....he was there....another story for another time. Now I'm tired and wanna just lay in bed and watch a movie with my mom. Goodnight...hopefully the rest of my stay in Illinois won't be involving anymore eulogies, funerals, visitations, weeping or cemeteries!!

do the jerk * do the frug