Our xmas party started at 3. It was held in a giant room in the Convention Center, which is a large building just kitty-korner to the building I work in. We all walked in and xmas music was playing (including a classic xmas rap song..I can't remember if it was The Fat Boys or Run DMC doing it) and we sat at swanky tables covered with white table clothes and the VERY attentive waiters had poured my first glass of wine (the wine was FREE and free-flowing!) by 3:15. Now, I am not much of a drinker as a general rule, and I don't think I've typically EVER started drinking at 3:15 in the afternoon, so it was quite interesting. The food they served was pretty good. Better than airline food! They had a mixed green salad with walnuts and raisins which was quite tasty (I remarked to my table that the walnuts looked oddly like psilocybin (which I've never seen, truth be told) and they all just looked blankly at me and smiled. DUH!) I ate rolls with delicious garlic butter and then the steak came with garlic mashed potatoes and some kind of strange yellow mushroom or something that I couldn't identify. I ate it all and am proud to say I finished all my food FIRST at my table (Anybody that knows me personally knows how sickeningly fast I finish off a plate of food. I have no idea why I am like this. My whole family is....and it isn't like we were hungry and had to fight over the last bits of 2nds or anything..we just all eat FAST!) They played dumb-ass xmas games that I really wasn't interested in, though I did volunteer for one. We were in teams of 5 and each team had a xmas present on the floor that was wrapped in 5 layers of xmas paper and it was sort of a relay. Each member of the team had to put on a scarf, ski-goggles, a hat and heavy duty gloves and then run over and tear off just ONE layer of wrap as quickly as possibly and then race back and pass off their winter ski gear to the next person and so on. Let me tell ya. It was IMPOSSIBLE to unwrap the layer of paper while wearing those gloves (which were like oven mitt thick) so I ended up trying to tear at the corners with my teeth. Do not attempt to play these games with several glasses of wine in your belly cuz you WILL look like a big jackass, but then again....who gives a shit, right? It was fun and our team lost (probably partially due to my inability)
Jay came and picked me up at 5:30 and I was just laughing my head off when I got in the car and I kept trying to explain what the party was like but was unable to clearly communicate with him. Meanwhile, he had The Dead Kennedy's playing on the stereo which brought me into further hysterics and I do distinctly remember trying to sing along to "Lynch the Landlord" which I don't even know the lyrics to. GUH!!!
WE arrived at the Tablet Xmas party at 6 pm and I sat next to a 55 year old New Jersey native at the bar, ordered myself some MORE wine (jesus....bad idea! Things get slightly fuzzy from then on...) and convinced myself that this 55 year old blue-collar conservative vietnam vet was THE most important patron in the establishment and I spent a good two hours bullshitting with him and he was just like a character in a Bukowski novel or something. He was of Irish ancestry, which I knew when he introduced himself as John Fallon (There is a whole family of Fallon's back in C-U, Illinois!) and I do know that he loves Frank Sinatra, Louis (Louie) Prima and I think he secretly wished he was Italian (he seemed to have wanted to be in the mafia when he was back east..but I could have hallucinated that part)...He was convinced that this pretty, Betty Page look-alike next to him at the bar was the reincarnation of Louie Prima's girlfriend (not that I knew what she would have looked like) and they started kivitzing (is that a word?) and she was from Long Island and they were talking east coast shit and he turned sour on me and suddenly told me I was a liberal bitch and was ruining this country. Well, that just made me laugh and I stood my ground. When he went to the restroom, me and "The Louie Prima girlfriend look-a-like" started laughing about how much of a character he was (The guy has been smoking unfiltered cigarettes for 41 years for gods sake!) When Mr. John Fallon returned he must have had a change of heart about me, the "liberal bitch that was ruining this country" cuz suddenly he was massaging my neck (I was too drunk to protest) but when he stuck his hand down the back of my skirt and attempted to kiss me, I had to laugh and remove myself from that area of the bar. So, I went and joined Jason at a booth and he had two girls with him named Michelle and Roseanna and we chatted with them and they were really sweet. I ended up kissing Michelle outside before the night was over (GOD...I hope Mom isn't reading this, jesus!) Michelle was wearing a black wig and was very pretty and she was showing me her blonde hair underneath and we were talking about poison rings. She vaguely reminded me of my friend Monsa..big eyes, long eyelashes...blonde and petite. Maybe Monsa should get a black, short-banged wig and then her beau, John, can wear a mullet wig and then they could pretend to be secret agents! fantastical!! I think Jay was jealous that I kissed MIchelle and he didn't.
Finally, those girls left and I went to the car and kissed Jay for awhile and then we came home and I threw up and we attempted to have sex, and that didn't work and I am feeling REALLY tired and cotton-mouthed this morning! OH WHAT A NIGHT!! Oh and Jay admitted that while at the Tablet party he snorted a line of Coke in the bathroom. Strange..he never does that sort of thing! I hope he doesn't again. Yuck.
