2003-01-25 : Sometimes some things are better left unexplained
Um. That last entry was..something else wasn't it? I almost don't remember writing it I felt that bad. I don't think I was in my right mind (well, NO SHIT, dumbass!) Still....pretty good writing, eh? It REALLY described visually what I was feeling and seeing. That side of me doesn't usually come out quite that vile and definetly not frequently at all. Too anybody that got really worried that I would harm myself, don't worry. I never would. I write it down, I pull my hair out a little (healthier than cutting, isn't it? but still a strange thing..freaked Jay out!) Anyways, I still feel really sort of moody today. I go back and forth between feeling "normal" and contented and like bursting into tears very quickly. PMS? I don't know what it is. I got in a fight w/Jay today (sort of in front of his dad who was here to help move some stuff to the new place)..there wasn't room for me to go. Jay's dad said we could make room but Jay said "Oh, STacey..just STAY HERE.." and being a dick and I was very insistent that I wanted to go and Jay and I were talking in REALLY SHITTY/BITCHY tones to each other and when Jay's dad went to the bathroom Jay said "I'm glad my dad can finally see what a bitch you can be." and that REALLY INFURIATED me. SO a bunch of quiet "fuck you's" were exchanged between the two of us. I said I wouldn't go, went in the bedroom and shut the door. They said they'd come back and take more stuff and then I could go with them to the new place, but as soon as they left, I left. I just needed to go do something and not be here when they got back (By the way..I'm listening to the Germs and it is really improving my mood..funny, cuz Darby Crash can really GRATE on ones nerves sometimes and I don't listen to stuff like this much anymore)..I took a bus downtown (I am so SICK TO DEATH of crying on buses....It always happens on buses..damn it)...I saw "Confessions of a Dangerous Mind"..really funny and pretty dark and disturbing at points. George Clooney (who leaves me indifferent for the most part) did an excellent job at directing this movie, and visually I thought it was really stunning. Anyways, tonight we are going to see Visqueen and D4. I'm really excited about seeing D4. I heard a few songs on KEXP..they are from Australia and play pretty traditional garage rock (1966)....I'm gonna wear white fishnet tights and dance alot and I am making a promise to myself that tommorrow, Sunday, I will not be in a slump!! Thanks to anyone and everyone that gave me encouraging words (Thanks Chiv and Ringo!)