I hate getting "in trouble." It instantly brings me back to the feeling I had as a child when I would get in trouble with my parents (which wasn't all that often) or at school (I think I might have been told to "stop talking" a few times, but I never really caused problems at school, I was quiet and "good." (and unearthly depressed in a very secretive or not-so-secretive way depending on how well you knew me in high school!)...So, my mom called me at work this morning, as she tends to do about once a week (she's lonely, we never see each other..she still hasn't made alot of friends in Hawaii yet) and we get carried away. I miss my mom SO much and I enjoy talking to her so much that I forget I'm at work, with others around me, and I tend to have a loud voice and I lose track of time, and we'll end up talking for a half hour. Today I got busted. My supervisor came over and mouthed urgently to me (while I was still on the phone to mom) "I need to talk to you when you are off the phone" so I knew instantly I was caught and I told my mom I had to go cuz I had a feeling I'd just gotten in trouble. My supervisor was fairly cool about it (I think she likes me, and she just is a down-to-earth person who doesn't put on airs..she made it short and sweet "Three people have complained that you've had an extended conversation and that it's been pretty loud at points and it's distracting people." I admitted that I was guilty, apologized, we both kinda laughed a little and that was that, but I just get so angry when I get scolded (do I have a problem w/authority?) and maybe it's more anger at myself and embarrassment cuz I know I was completely in the wrong. Anyways, that kind of thing (which really never happens to me) always makes me just hate this corporate hole even more, but I really should just shut up and be happy I have a job that pays well, is easy and has a couple of cool people that I talk to. I should just shut up. I just hate getting in trouble...it makes me feel like a child, and I hate feeling like that "sort" of child.

Yesterday I mostly did laundry, took a walk in the sun and started reading a book by M. Scott Peck (not "The Road Less Traveled") but "The People of the Lie" or something like that...it's interesting, but I don't like his Christian perspective on "evil"..I just can't relate to it. I also find it strange how judgemental he is in this book towards some of his patients (he is writing about certain patients he has treated who have been the "victims" or "evil" parents or spouses, etc. The word evil is a very STRONG WORD. Sure, alot of these "evil" people seem neglectful, controlling, uncaring, clueless, callous and sometimes cruel, but to label someone as "evil." I don't know....The word evil applies to somebody like "Hitler" or "Stalin", I think, but perhaps many other people are much more sublty "evil." I like reading the case studies, but something about the book just really irritates me. God, how did I get on this topic?

Saturday night I went to see The Electric Six and the D4, and I went ALONE. At first I was slightly self-conscious, but then I just relaxed and thought "who cares" if I'm not w/anybody? I bought a pack of smokes (stupid...I think it was a security crutch or something..I smoke when I'm tense and nervous as it is) and sat with my beer and just observed. Eventually I moved to a table in the band room and I asked some strangers who were hovering near the table if they'd like to join me, seeing as how I had come alone. They turned out to be very social and very nice..perhaps some of the most nice and unpretentious people I've met in Seattle in the 8 years I have lived here. One guy was from Detroit (he was all excited when he learned that The Electric Six were from Detroit..I was expecting him to say "Detroit in the HOUSE..representin'!" and the other couple were from North Carolina (Raleigh) and we talked about Southern Culture on the Skids and other Chapel Hill bands and the detroit guy and I discussed paganism a bit (I would never have pegged him for a pagan...just shows not to judge a book by its cover!)...The Electrix Six were really funny. Its hard to describe what they sound like...I'll say the band they most reminded me of was Urge Overkill...a certain goofy schticky-ness about them...but they didn't exactly sound like Urge Overkill. The singer had a pretty soulful voice..I'll say that if The Stooges were more of a disco band, then that would be how The Electric Six sound...the singer took off his swank suit coat to expose the hilarious t-shirt he had on underneath. It read in big BLACK LETTER "SEXY and RICH"....I want one of those t-shirts!

I actually went up to one of the singers of the D4 (he was standing alone in a corner) before the show started and I felt all giggly but I just went up and told him that I really liked the band and wished them well and we exchanged names and handshakes and all was well. The show was greawt. Well, that's about all I gotta say...I'm not in a very good mood right now.

Adios!

do the jerk * do the frug