2003-05-20 : I wanted to hug and kiss the puppy and the guy

VIRGO (Aug 23�Sep 22): Your current frustration is that you feel like you get the big picture, but you still cannot put the pieces together just right to make it all work. The good news is that your struggle is about to end. The bad news is that only you can end it. It�s a simple as backing away from the goal. Let it be. I know this is easier to say than to do, but as soon as you figure out how to relax your control, things will become more efficient.

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Seems fairly relevant...though I am still totally excited about my European Vacation (God...let's not associate it with Chevy Chase..Ha Ha) I'm starting to worry about the practicality of it...do I need to pay off ALL my debts before I go? Probably..but then I would NOT be able to go...so screw the debts..I do what I can do...and I'm thinking about deterrents to me having a good time in Europe..I'm just being a worrywart, which is my nature and normally I probably wouldn't be fretting so much but I have a major case of PMS right now and it makes me anxious. That should pass in the next day or two..come on uterus o'mine..bleed, baby, bleed...(sorry to all the male readers for that..ha ha)

Speaking of anxiety...I had posted a message on an anxiety disorder/panic disorder web-site sometime ago (I don't even remember the site) but today I got an email from a guy named Ali who lives in Vancouver, BC. He had read my message and wanted some advice on different remedies (esp. natural ones) that might help him with his anxiety attacks. I sent him a very encouraging email reply..I'm always full of advice. It made me feel really good that a stranger reached out for advice and help from me. This why I sometimes wonder if I should go into counseling for panic disorder since I seemed to have for the most part overcome mine (or I manage it really well these days!) I think the medicine I take helps me the most, but maybe part of it is that the panic attacks don't scare me anymore cuz I've had so fucking many of them..still, I feel for people who have just started to get them. They are so scary. Sometimes they make you wanna curl up and die because they are so crippling and terrifying!!

Yesterday while I was reading on a blanket in Volunteer Park, this guy came along with his itsy-bitsy puppy. I couldn't tell exactly what breed it was because he was a little in the distant, but this man's interaction with his dog made me wanna go and hug and kiss both the man and the puppy. The guy (he seemed more like a boyish man, not a manly man...I like boyish men...which is always the ruin of me!) would chase the puppy all around in circles and the puppy was SOOO excited and wagging his tiny little tail. Then the guy would collapse on the ground and roll over and the puppy would jump all over the guy. At one point, the guy was lying on his side and the puppy was just sitting on the guys shoulder....It made me smile over and over. I should have gone over to meet the boy and his puppy, but I was too shy. It made my day. I even saw the guy kiss his puppy and hug it alot. I mean...it was fucking ADORABLE!