Looks like I won't be making any entries for awhile on the weekends, cuz Jay took the computer. Larry said he's putting together one of his old ones for me though and he'll bring it up sometime...very sweet. We've been talking every day, either via phone or email and it's really nice. He's such an easy person to chat with. Very mellow guy. What's weird is that on one hand I feel really attached to him already but on the other hand (and as time goes by where I don't see him) I don't feel attached so much....I think I'm scared of this whole thing to a degree and am not allowing myself to feel TOO much too quickly cuz that can very easily happen to me. I'm sure that when I see him on Friday though I'm gonna feel alot of wonderful feelings. I guess I Just feel so many combinations of happy and sad right now. I've been on an emotional rollercoaster all weekend. Crying and smiling. Feeling like a failure cuz this is my 2nd marriage that is coming to an end (I don't know I always try to blame myself..it's stupid) but also feeling this new romance bloom. God...it just tugs me every which way.

I'm loving living alone but there is something lonely about it cuz I'm not used to it. I find myself getting bored or just laying on the bed and listening to music and staring into space for hours cuz I can't do anythiing else. Maybe I'm just needing to think about alot of things, but I find myself not thinking about ANYTHING...complete space case. I got a new stereo dealie since Jay is taking his stereo. I got it at a pawn shop for $99.00 and it's really nice and has great sound. I've put it in my bedroom so I can lay on the bed an listen to music.

I watched the Pianist last night..beautiful. Adrien Brody is very sexy, even as a starving Jew hiding in the Warsaw Ghetto. I think its something about his eyes...they are amazing. He looks sort of like a rat, but I find him very sexy anyway.

I also watched "Rodger Dodger" which was good and kinda dark and cynical and depressing and sort of funny, and then I watched "The Believer" which was pretty interesting as well.

I feel dehydrated and I've been smoking way too much again. Oh well..I'll stop again when I'm ready. I hope this week goes by quickly.

do the jerk * do the frug