The weather is maddening here. Yesterday it was Sunny and hot and in the lower 80's..today it's dark, cloudy and probably not even 60 yet...it's also freezing in here. I just turned up the heat but I don't know that it'll do alot of good.
I told myself I was quitting smoking yesterday but I ended up buying a pack of American Spirit's after work. Oh well...I'll quit when it's time. I don't wanna be smoking alot when my mom comes to visit. Don't want lectures and I just feel dumb admitting to my nurse mom that I'm having some nicotine addiction issues AGAIN!
Talked to L. last night. TOld him all about my history of panic disorder. He's a good listener. I also told him that with this long distance thing that I don't expect him, nor do I feel I have the right to tell him not to sleep with anybody but me...I told him just to use condoms if he does. He's very sweet...he said he has no desire to sleep with anybody because he cares about me too much to do that. I feel the same way.
He also told me about how whenever him and his family get together they always fight. Like the night before his uncle's wake or funeral, him and his two brothers were gathered someplace 25 miles away from Eugene and they'd all been drinking and him and his brother R. started arguing about how meat should be cooked. L. likes it well-done and R. likes it bloody. L. got so mad that he said "fuck it" I'm going home and he proceeded to walk 20 miles to get away from his brother...his mother made his brother come and find him, though. Sad. I'm glad I don't have those sort of problems with my family. L. actually showed me pictures of when his brother R. had given him black eyes...not only his good eye, but his brother punched his BAD eye (it's lazy and he's sort of blind in it) as well. What a fucking prick of a brother. Don't think I'll ever want to be meeting that brother.
The most I ever fought with my sister was sort of hitting, pulling hair..I remember doing it in the basement in front of the dryer. I have no idea what we were fighting about, but we rarely touched each other. That was one of the rare moments. I just used to be cruel to her by not speaking to her or saying "I love you too" when she would say it to me when we'd fall asleep at night (we shared a room)...I'd just ignore her. Sometimes I feel bad about that. Most of the time I don't. I love my sister, but I don't always understand her or like her. She's just a flakey fucking Deadhead. She has a good heart, though....it's just that she is incredibly self-absorbed. Always has been.
Mom should be here in about 10 days for a 4-5 day visit..YES! I love hanging out with my mom. We get along so well. I get my temperment from her. Plus she'll probably make me yummy dinners and delicious pies..she loves to cook for her kids!
