I feel like crying right now, but I'm holding it in since I'm at work. I have no particular reason to feel this way (except for maybe the fact that I went to bed way too late last night) but I just feel sad and kind of nervous and weird, in general. I think I'm thinking about leaving this town and though I'm excited, I'm sad. It'll be strange and I'm worried about my future (which I shouldn't even THINK about) and I just feel distant and withdrawn and moody and I don't wanna talk to anybody (not even Larry) or hang out..I probably just need to go to sleep. That is probably most of what is wrong with me. I'm just having one of those "doubt" days...Doubts like: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? YOU ARE MOVING DOWN TO EUGENE TO BE WITH SOME GUY YOU'VE ONLY KNOWN A FEW MONTHS...YOU ARE LEAVING ALL THE FAMILIARITY AND COMFORT AND FRIENDSHIP OF SEATTLE BEHIND YOU DUMBASS...all those sorts of thoughts. Of course, I have friend(s) down there:Tracy, and I AM gonna do this and I know it's right but everybody has "second thoughts" or whatever sometimes and these aren't even really second thoughts..I'm just excited and scared. I don't want to make any wrong decisions, but I just have to leap and see how I land...that is just what my whole being has told me about this move, so I'm having a leap of faith and I'm hoping I land healthy and happy on my own two feet..I'm sure I will. I'm just being neurotic.

Anyways, enough of my self-absorbed dribble (OH WAIT..this is MY diary..I can talk about MYSELF in here..duh!)..Last night Jay's band played at the Lobo Saloon. THey sounded better than they ever have before. I felt pretty proud. I was gonna leave after them but I somehow I ended up convincing myself to stay for the other two bands. This band from San Diego, The Scotch Greens, played second and I'm so glad I stayed because they blew my damn socks off (only I wasn't wearing any socks..get it..?? ha ha)...They had a banjo player (electric) and two guitarists, a bassist, a drummer....nice and energetic. I bough their CD and they were nice guys to boot. Imagine mixing a less political Clash with a large dose of The Pogues and then throw in Deliverance banjo stuff..and voila...The Scotch Greens. I was impressed.

Then White Knuckle Ride played. They sing songs about hating Seattle and it's hipsters and how a Honda Civic 2000 is not a hot-rod and other sarcastic songs..they are very funny and sort of raunchy/sleazy and they are very psychobilly Cramps-like..I think I've described them before. THey announced during their set that they like nudity, so one guy purportedly showed his nutsack and maybe the head of his dick (I missed this..he must have done it quick) and then this other girl there (I swear, she must have been a former stripper) was all showing her underwear and her garters and kinda acting like a drunken slut (I was a little disturbed by her behavior, but we all know that I"m just a prude) and doing these obvious stripper bend over and grind around moves. The guys in the audience seemed to love it. I wished she'd quit it, personally. Ha..she was kinda funny, though. You have to admire somebody for not giving a fuck! Anyways, I didn't end up getting home and going to sleep until about 2 am, only had about 5 hours of sleep. Work is mind-numbing and I can't concentrate and all I wanna do is crawl onto a couch with a soft blanket and nap. Tonight I have dinner w/Jill at 7 pm. I'm almost tempted to cancel and sleep but I havent' seen her for awhile and don't wanna disappoint her so I'll show up..plus it's at Flowers and they have some damn fine grub!

do the jerk * do the frug