2003-08-04 : Larry in a Hot Tub, The Virgin Mary and Gummo
L. made me really happy last night. We were kind of joking about having children and he confided in me that he'd have a baby with me if I wanted one. Although I'm not really into the idea of having a child (but there is part of me that would like to MAYBE some day) when he said that to me I almost started to cry. No man has ever said that they wanted to have a baby with me. Now, don't worry..I'm not gonna up and get pregnant. I don't want kids right now, but it touches me that he loves me that much already. It's amazing. I'm just so happy that in 9 days he'll be coming here to get me and my stuff and then I won't have to be away from him for weeks at a time...cuz it's fucking HARD!!!

L. went to some 2 day party in the mountains over the weekend with Hans to see a bunch of bands play. They drank alot and took mushrooms too. Larry confessed that he was in the hot tub with some naked girl and some others and she started hitting on him and before he knew it they were making out (but they didn't sleep together)....Then it turned out that she had a boyfriend who found Larry and her like that and he was trying to get Larry to get into a fight w/him (This girl turned out to be fairly young...19) and Larry was so mellowed out on the 'shrooms he was just like "Man, it was mutual...and she actually started it..so I don't wanna fight you and if you wanna get mad at ANYBODY...discuss this w/your girlfriend." So, he laid low and avoided that couple for the rest of his time there. Now, some of you might be thinking "Tater..if he LOVES why would he make out with a girl in a hot-tub?" It's weird, but I'm just not all that jealous and in a way it's paying me back (not that he did this intentionally) for when I was drunk and made out with the record store boy a couple of months ago when Larry and I first started our relationship. I mostly blame the mushrooms..he was very high and felt good and some naked, beautiful girl was sticking her ass in his face every time she got out of the hot tub...I probably would HAVE DONE THE SAME THING. Anyways, it doesn't matter. Kissing and touching is far different to me than fucking somebody and he said he never had any intentions of doing that (even though she asked him to) because of me and his dick wouldn't get hard anyway. As long as he is always honest with me (and vice-versa) we will never have a problem. Once we are together I don't see there being any cheating going on (him on me or vice-versa) Anyways, I'm just glad he was as up front about it as I was to him when I had my stupid little make-out on the lawn session with record store boy.

Anyways, this weekend I felt very lonely. I missed Larry. I felt like I had no friends in a way (I coulda probably called somebody up and asked if they wanted to go out but I just didn't)..I slept like 12-13 hours each weekend day AND took naps...I did nothing but read, watch movies, eat and sleep (and go to the bathroom) and it was nice but DAMN! It can get so lonely living alone!

I got a backbone and watched Gummo. The cat stuff I mostly fast-forwarded through and what I did see looked pretty obviously staged/faked (stuffed animals, etc.) that I didn't get freaked out. The movie was far less rude and shocking than I thought it would be. I liked it quite a bit. I found it to be incredibly realistic. I KNOW people like that. I also found there to be a strange amount of tenderness (esp. in the 2 main boys) in most of the characters. There were definetly some beautiful moments. There were some weird and funny and stupid moments (I LOVE when the drunk guys beat up the chair..that is so stupid and funny!) I loved the Bunny Boy too...he had a gorgeous face!!

I also watched "Raging Bull" which I'd never seen before. Yea, it was alright, I suppose. But I just get sick of the whole Scorsese thing. I fast forwarded through the last 10 minutes...I'd had enough. I also don't like watching men box each other...it's disgusting.

What else...I watched "Lantana" which was good but didn't leave much of an impression on me, and yesterday I watched "Nicholas Nickleby" which I loved. I really dig Charles Dickens and his predictable melo-drama. Poor Smike...he was adorable. I finished "Becoming Madame Mao" and read the entirety of "Vinegar Hill" in one day and now I'm on to "Our Lady of the Lost and Found" which is great so far. What is it about the Virgin Mary? I must admit that I have a fascination and love for her that has nothing to do with being brought up Catholic..I'm not even religious..I barely can say I believe in God, but The Virgin Mary is someone I WOULD pray to. There's something about Mary (Sorry...bad joke!!)

Anyways, this is my last week of work and MOnday is almost gone already! I'm so excited!