Seems that the "cool, grey" season is upon us now. I've been noticing that I've felt really melancholy and moody this weekend (ALL weekend) and it's partially PMS but I think the SAD might be kicking in a bit. So, I just dragged the "Indoor Sunshine" light out from underneath the bed and now blinding, soothing white light is bathing my face from the side of the computer. Man, these lamps work SO well for grey winter blues!!

Friday night I was REALLY in a "I made a mistake...I don't like living in this town" mood..I felt full of anger that had not exact origin or point of destination and I couldn't seemingly get it to go away. Larry and I went to some Jazz bar and I had a couple of Apple Martini's (which made me feel a bit better..I hope I'm not gonna become a self-medicator with alcohol.) And then we went to Fathoms so he could see his friend (and the bartender, Laurel) who was a nice girl. There I drank some more drinks. THEN we went to "the shitty bar" to visit Hans and Tracy, who were playing pinball (of course), and I think we were all pretty drunk by this time and I was feeling goofy and friendly. I sat down with a group of Hispanics (2 girls and a guy) and chatted with them for who knows how long. I felt like I was the "pesty white girl" but they assured me that I wasn't (but I think they were lying)..I think they just wanted to keep to themselves. I don't remember my conversations with them. I don't think they were particularily interesting..I just was in the mood to talk to new people.

Yesterday the whole house seemed to be asleep and hungover. I don't know if anybody left their rooms for long. Slept most of the day (as did Larry, which is unusual for him) and finally we got some food at 5 and rented "Gangs of New York" (he'd never seen it) and I suffered again through that (I'm just not really into that movie, though Daniel Day Lewis was wonderful...but then again, he always is...) and then I watched some of the last "Martin Scorsese presents: The Blues" but I Just couldn't get into this one as much (nor the last couple of episodes they had..missed the Friday night one altogether..oh well...)

I'm tired of not having a job, sleeping too much, being bored, feeling sad and just feeling shitty in general. I don't know what else to say..I know it'll get better eventually (I hope)

I'm reading Alice McDermott's new book "Child of my Heart" (I enjoyed her "Charming Billy")...I like this one, too.

Well, time to get ready to go to L's grandparents for Sunday dinner. Part of me doesn't want to go, but I need to get myself out of this house and this room.

do the jerk * do the frug