I..uh. How to begin. My thoughts have been all over the past few days. Not my thoughts, but my emotions, actually. I am definetly in the peak withdrawal period from Effexor (this is the 6th day)...Having really uncontrollable mood swings, but I can handle them for the most part. I haven't had any of the electric shock/brain freeze symptoms I was so concerned about. It's just that EVERYTHING makes me cry, nothing makes me cry..One minute I hate Larry, the next minute all I want to do is fuck him. Poppy keeps peeing on the carpet still, and she even went pee on an expensive pillow of his and he is getting really tired of her and then he shoved her nose in the pee pillow (which is fine..she deserves to be punished in certain ways) but then he swatted her on the butt and then I freaked out on him and yelled in his face "Don't you EVER hit my cat again. You can yell and shove her face in her inappropriate pee areas, but don't ever HIT her again." And then he was pissed because I was pissed and..Oh god, it's all just so pathetic but it's hard to deal with sometimes, and I say stuff like "I should just move out and take the cats so Poppy will stop peeing on your stuff" just to upset him. I don't know why I feel the need to hurt other people sometimes..and then I sob and talk about hating myself to him, it's all just to get him to REACT....I swear...he's great, he's wonderful, I love him, I want to have his children and blah blah blah, but sometimes I wonder if he was born with ANY emotions (besides anger and irritation)..ARGH!! I'm also really sad cuz Tracy and Hans (my ONLY friends here) are leaving for Holland on Friday. THey will be back in about a month or so to finalize packing, moving, selling their stuff, but then they are back in Holland for GOOD and it's hard cuz I am so afraid of being lonely and having no friends. Sure, Larry is my friend, but one needs other friends besides one's boyfriend, right? I think so.

Ok, positive things..positive things...we made a wonderful roast beef dinner last night (actually, Larry cooked it all, I just did the gravy which had too much corn starch..eek, it was like eating meat gelatin...TOOOO THICK, but it tasted good anyway...It was just Hans, Tracy, Larry and I. We cooked and drank wine and listened to good cd's in the living room (it is so nice when our other roomie, Chris, is at a friend's house...nobody wants him here anymore..he is just an irritation...we all hate living with him, but how do you possibly kick somebody out just because you think their personality sucks...I don't know what we'll do. I wish he'd suddenly decide that he wants to move out and live with other people..that would be a godsend. I wish him the best, but the guy is a horrible roomie to deal with.

Watched an old "Outer Limits" episode today. Tracy and Hans bought the 4 DVD boxed set..I cant' wait to watch the rest. I also want the old "Twilight Zone" boxed set, but it's like $110.00. Oh well.

Does anybody beside me watch "American Dreams?" I thought Jennifer Love Hewitt was surprisingly good as Nancy Sinatra on "Band Stand"...These Boots are Made for walking..and that's just what they'll do, one of these days, these boots are gonna walk all over YOU!...such a great song!!!

I'm reading Bukowski. I never really have before...He's kinda funny, actually. I'm reading "Post Office"...Larry has all his "novels" so I'll probably read all of them since I have easy access to them. Misogynist, Drunkard, Clown..whatever..I can deal with all of those as long as he entertains me. I'm a bad feminist..ha ha.

Well, I think I'll go jump on Larry. My hormones are out of control, it seems, along with my emotions, and right now I feel like a nymphomaniac, but hey...that isn't a problem when most of my life I've felt so cut off from my libido. I love feeling horny all the time (that might be the most stupid and embarrassing and funny line I have ever written in here...*thinks for a second*..nah, probably not, actually!)...The up-side of nymphomania is that I don't believe it's something that Larry has a problem with..in fact, I think he quite likes it..hee hee. Good night!

do the jerk * do the frug