2004-02-18 : Can I go to jail because a Collection Agency is after me?
You know..I really shouldn't eat greasy breakfast meat (such as bacon or sausage)..I just REALLY shouldn't do it..it wreaks havoc on me...ick. I feel sick.

I've not been sleeping well the past few nights. Larry and I will fall asleep between 10:00 and 11:00 and everything will be fine until about 3 am when some cat or another (either inside our room, or outside the shut door (wanting in) will make noise by scratching, clawing, whining, etc. Then we won't be able to get back to sleep for awhile (if at all)...I think I was mostly awake from the hours of 2:30 am until 6:30 am this morning. Finally I had to take an extra half of a sedative to relax me into sleep. I was also having all these weird paranoia's going through my head (I feel a little crazy when I've been lying awake for hours and I'm really tired in the wee hours of the morning)..Today's paranoia was this: See, there is the collection agency after me to pay them like $1600.00 (I paid $400.00 in the very beginning but then I gave up and decided I didn't think it was even fair that I was paying this debt, plus I have no job and no money so I've been ignoring the collection agency..they still send threatening letters and leave messages on rare occassions)..it all has to do with some accidental damage Jay and I did to the apartment we lived in more than a year ago..some spilled paint on the carpet (Jay's fault) and some colored candle wax stains on the bathroom floor and tub (which turned out to be porcelain...the color won't come out..I didn't know that beforehand!)..well, our damage deposits should have covered it, and if they didn't, well, too bad..that is what damage deposits are for..but since I'm an honest person, before we moved out I wrote a note (God, I will never write such a note with my signature AGAIN) to the managers apologizing for the damage and that I was willing to help pay for it. Well, we move out and move into the last apartment I lived in in Seattle and we get this HUGE damage bill for $1750.00 for replacing the carpet and the tub and the bathroom floor (I got the receipts from the management company just to be sure they actually repaired what they said they did)..I would never have signed anything saying I'd agree to pay if I would have known it would have been such a ridiculously high price. I paid about $400.00 total towards it, then Jay and I split, I couldn't afford to pay more, then I moved down here (and by this time it the account was sent to an actual collection agency) and everybody knows I have no $$ and haven't really had a proper job in the past 6 months...Anyways, Jay was on that lease too, yet he hasn't paid a dime towards that damage, yet they seem to hold me entirely responsible (though I did give them his name and address and told them to contact him about payment..) Anyways, to make a long, boring story short...I'm NOT going to pay any more of this debt..#1 I dont think it's fair #2 I don't have any $$ to pay any of it anyway, so I'm just ignorning the collection agencies calls and letters..let them do what they want, my credit is obviously fucked anyway...But this morning I wondered exactly WHAT drastic measures the collection agency could take against me? Could they sue me? Or even worse, I imagined being arrested for this collection agency debt (that couldn't happen, I'm sure..or I HOPE SO)..So, I was fretting about that, but I finally fell asleep. I'm so far behind in my credit card payments...I just don't know what to do. Should I declare bankruptcy? (I would say that I owe (including this stupid apartment damage thing and 3 maxed out credit cards) a total of $8,000. In the scheme of things that isn't THAT much (compared to people that owe like $40,0000) and bankruptcy is a drastic measure to take and I don't even know if it would cover anything besides the credit card debts...argh...has anyone been in this "my finances are totally fucked" situation? What did you do? Who knows about bankruptcy? When things are sent to collection agencies can anything further be done to me besides my credit rating going right down the garbage can? And the longer I don't have a job, the worse and worse this situation is going to get. I did pay $1,000 towards my student loans this past September so that probably improved my credit rating, but by how much? Jesus...what to do??? I just want to make sure they can't send me to jail or something (My mom told me this story about Carle Hospital in Champaign, IL...something about some people who couldn't pay their bills being sent to collections and the hospital or the collection agency actually jailing these people (some who owed as little as $400 or $500)....I guess there was a big outrage about that. Anyways, I'm talking in circles. I'll stop now. I should exercise..that'll make me feel less anxious. God damn it, I need a job (but not fast food)..Am I taking a "I'm too good for minimum wage" attitude that I shouldn't be taking or do people see where I'm coming from? Ugh. I'm really frustrated. Please send me good luck/find a job/better prosperity vibes and prayers, please, please, please! I'm praying on it too but so far it isn't working at all (maybe I'm not sincere enough when I ask for help from the Universe...maybe it's because I don't know half the time if I even believe there is anything OUT THERE)..I wish I could truly believe in something sometimes!