2004-04-17 : That Jerk, Chicken, made me cry!!
So, I don't have consumption (TB), the test on my arm was negative. WHooHoo! I never thought I had it anyway.

Last night I was walking back from the hospital where I got my arm "read" for the TB results and Larry was driving down the road in the opposite way and saw me, so he picked me up. We went to Les Schwab because he needed two new tires, so we sat around eating their fresh-popped popcorn and reading the newspaper while they worked on this car. Afterwards we went to Joe's Bar and Grill because we wanted to try out the newish restaurant in there, Papa's Soul Food Kitchen. We both had Jamaican Jerk Chicken, potato salad and collard greens. The food was fabulous (and really reasonably priced)..that Jerk Chicken was SOOOO spicy. I thought my mouth would be on fire for years to come. I really wanna go back there but am not sure I'll be getting the Jerk Chicken again (though I liked it alot) because I think it was just a little HOT for my system..I have been having poo-poo problems ever since..Yuck.

Larry was talking about driving up to some Hot Springs around here today. I sort of want to go and sort of don't. I guess I can wear my swim-suit, though he said the preferable way (and how most people soak) is nude, but I am very modest. He said everybody is really cool about it, not staring at your body and shit (but I find that hard to believe!) So, I'm not sure what this weekend has in store for us, besides going to his grandparent's for dinner/supper tommorrow.

I had a crying fit last night. I'm not sure what my deal was. I just felt isolated and withdrawn and I was having anxieties about "Will I be in love with Larry forever?" I worry about that with EVERY relationship from time to time because I'm scared of failure and of things ending (because that always seems to happen) and I just can't go through it again. If things don't work out with Larry, I swear I'm just going to be alone for a LONG TIME because I can't do the whole thing over again, it's just too hard and I've been through it far too many times. I was having feelings last night of kind of "nothingness" towards Larry (and I don't know why)..I had a few drinks and I think it just screwed up my mood and everything, and I noticed that I started feeling bad after we had sex (or maybe during it)...which happens sometimes..it's like, sex is supposed to bring you closer and make you feel loved and warm and secure, but sometimes it makes me feel nothing or worse yet, saddened by some aspect of it that I can't really put into words. Eventually his cat, Mouse, was snuggling up to us and I was telling Larry about my fears of nothing good ever lasting for me, and I was talking about how sometimes I only feel like the things I love the most are my cats (and his cat) because they don't cause me pain. But sometimes I truly do love animals more than people. Maybe that sounds ridiculous, but I know there are others out there that feel the same way.

I saw "Big Fish" at the cheap cinema yesterday afternoon. I enjoyed it (as I do most Tim Burton flicks) but it didn't really leave any last impression on me.

Well, that's about it for now. Happy Weekend Everybody!!

Ps..we got the most hilarious phone message from Tracita informing us in a very "phone operator" affected voice that would should call them any day or night at any time because Hans' parents are not there and on a vacation. We saved the message just so we could listen to it over and over. Tracita is a funny bunny!