This morning I got up early with the intention of lighting some candles and asking for guidance/praying to SOMETHING or whatever you wanna call it. I figured it wouldn't hurt, it could only help, but my day hasn't been any better despite asking "the universe" to "please help me have a good day"...I even gave thanks for what I DO have, etc..but I swear that I can't find spiritual comfort. Maybe I don't believe enough in whatever I'm praying to. Maybe it's all a big sham. I like the ritual though and so I guess I"ll keep doing it. Today at lunch I was walking and talking to myself in my head (like most of us do, I'm sure) and I was ALMOST talking out loud but I stopped myself, but it was all along the lines (and directed at God or whatever) of "Why don't you listen? I don't think you are even there. Asking for help and patience didn't do me ANY GOOD today." Then I felt like this big, stupid pouty baby. I don't know. I don't even know what I"m trying to say.
I picked up a dandelion and stared into it's yellow center and twirled it around and around and thought to myself "just the simple beauty of this little weed should make you happy", but it didn't. Let me think of something good....Oh. Larry got a pizza from Papa Murphy's last night (they make it, you take it home and bake it..yea, that bullshit) and I was pleased with how yummy it was.
What else?? I love petting Opal. She's the sweetest cat ever.
What else??? There is ice cream in the freezer..butter pecan. I'm going to eat it when I get home.
What else?? Last night Larry and I turned the lights out about 9:15..it was still light out and we just laid there in bed, waiting for sleep to overcome us and we held hands and I just looked at the dim light in the room and it made me smile. Then I turned over and held Larry and smelled that maple syrupy smell his back/skin always seems to exude and I felt just for a few minutes that all was right with the world. I sometimes wish those moments would never ever stop.
