Earlier today I was crying and ruminating about our financial situation. We never have any money. Well, it always starts out that Larry gets paid (like today) and says "We have no money" and I then ask "You mean..NONE? zilch? NO MONEY AT ALL?" And then he says "Well, we do have $50.00 until next week." and then I start to feel better, but to me it is deceiving to tell somebody there is NO money when there is a little bit. Argh. WHY does he do that? He speaks in generalities sometimes and I tend to speak in very specific terms about most things!
I took a look at my altar today and it was covered with dust and candle wax and incense ashes and I thought to myself.."If my altar is all dirty, then maybe that is why my life seems so disorganized and 'dirty'" So I threw away an old piece of cloth that was my altar cover (I'd grown tired of it) and I used some material from a skirt that has just recently fallen totally apart (too bad cuz I liked the skirt but it wasn't worth trying to mend and I don't sew anyway) and now part of one of my favorite skirts is now my altar cloth. I gently cleansed all my dusty buddha statues, my goddess statue, and all the other little icons and things I keep on my altar. Then smudged myself and the room with sage (which smoked like crazy and now it smells like turkey stuffing in here!) to try to clear all the "bad energy and negativities" out and I said some prayers and I felt better. I still feel better though I definetly feel spacey and tired.
We are going to Larry's grandparents house tonight to eat dinner. In reality, we are REALLY going there to slip Larry's grandma $50.00 (which she asked to borrow...she has a gambling problem!) without his grandpa seeing us (Larry) do this. This is the second time in a month or two that we've lent her money. She pays us back, but I think he needs to put his foot down and say "Grandma, I'm sorry you are broke, but you need to try to budget yourself better, and we really can't afford to loan you ANY money" but I know he'd have trouble telling his grandma that. I WOULD. It is sort of strange that she is asking from help from her grandson instead of one of her NUMEROUS children (they all happen to live out of state, though) She'll get her pension or social security check (or whatever she gets) on the 1st of each month and by the 9th, she'll have nothing left. I have no idea how much she gets, and I assume that her husband gets retirement benefits of SOME sort (esp. since he was in the military at one point) but I don't know. Another financial strain was the fact that Larry had to pay most of our roomie, Scott's rent FOR HIM this month. Hopefully Scott will pay Larry back the $200.00 (plus the last 2 months worth of utilities he owes) pretty soon. It isn't exactly Scott's fault cuz he got a back injury and got fucked over by his last employer and his unemployment benefits didn't kick in soon enough, etc, but it isn't Larry's job to pay anybody's rent (but mine..then again..we share a room)..Larry doesn't know how to say "No" sometimes and I think that is a good quality but he needs to not let himself get taken advantage of. I know it would help if I got a damn job, but until I do, he's got to support us both.
I have WomenSpace training tommorrow all day, which I'm looking forward to.
Then later in the evening, Tracy and Hans should be here....YEAAA! I bet they are going to be TIRED (a 10 hour flight from Holland and THEN a 7 hour drive in a rental car from Vancouver, BC) but I bet they'll still want to go to "the shitty bar" because they haven't been able to go there and play pinball since January!
That Woody Allen movie "Play it again Sam" is really cute and funny. I've seen alot of his stuff but not all of the earlier movies. I watched it yesterday.
