2004-10-17 : Panic Attack Late at Night
Oh man...I'm having a panic attack right now. I haven't had a fairly "bad" one for awhile. Tracy and Hans got in around 11 pm tonight (and I was already tired) and then we went to "The shitty bar" until 1:30 or later (I didn't drink much at all..I'm totally sober) and I've been having this headache off and on all day and it got progressively worse in the bar and then I started to almost feel sick to my stomach because my head hurt so bad. Got home about an hour ago. I'm exhausted but I'm almost afraid to go to sleep (this happens sometimes when I get panic attacks)...Fear of losing consciousness (as if I'd never wake up: DIE)..I know this won't happen but I still get freaked out. I'm trying to work on my deep breathing but it takes awhile for that to really work for me. So, now I'm trying to distract myself by reading these words and writing them. If I try to distract myself from the panic, my breathing seems to settle a little and eventually the attack will slowly subside. I'm waiting for that to happen so that I can feel safe about falling asleep. For those of you with panic problems, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. Damn...it SUCKS! I'm trying the 7 deep abdominal breaths in..1, 2, 3, 4,5, 6, 7, andd 11 deep breaths out....breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe.
Larry got really drunk tonight (he was drinking mede) and he actually threw up, which he NEVER does. And he's been pretty drunk the rest of the night. How can somebody continue to drink anything after they've vomited? When I get sick from drinking like that (hasn't happened in a long time, thank god..I'm just not going out and getting drunk much at all anymore, which is GOOD)...So I've been feeling irritated with him all night. Maybe some of that brought on this anxiety.
Ok, I'm feeling better. I hope I can try to go to sleep soon, it's almost 3 am!! I'm SO TIRED!!
Maybe the WomenSpace Training Sessions (my 2nd one was today) are bringing up things in me that I was blocking, too..who knows.
I'm just gonna sit here for a little while and try to get as relaxed as possible. Good Night.
