2005-02-10 : Teenage Kicks
I've been lying on my bed listening to records and it makes me feel like a teenager again. I used to spend many an hour just lying on my bed listening to records (or tapes) and now I need to record again what I was like as a teenager. Teenage Angsty memories and all. Today I listened to Fugazi's "Red Medicine" (which reminds me of the Autumn of 1999 in which Jason and I got together and fell in love)..that was WAY past my teenage years. Right now I'm listening to the ass-shaking The Swingin' Neckbreakers (which also reminds me of Jason)....

But let's travel back to the years 1986 and 1987. Actually, let's start with when I was in 8th grade (1983, I think) since I was a freshman in highschool in 1984. What do I remember about 8th grade?? I remember our crazy art teacher (though I don't remember his name) and the fact that he was shell-shocked or had PTSD (which wasn't a diagnosis back then, I don't think)..but something was wrong with him cuz he'd duck under his desk if a really loud sound was in the building or room. I felt sorry for him. I don't recall if I ever saw him do this but I heard many tales of his fragile mind. I remember that there was a rumor going around about a possible race riot after school. The warnings were this: If you are white, don't be in the school hallway after school..AT ALL or you will get your ass kicked by the black kids. I never really believed this to be true, but I never had any reason to stay after school anyway. I always was quick about getting my shit and getting downstairs to get on the fucking yellow bus. Now, in 8th grade I was TOTALLY in Duran Duran. I didn't wear a John Taylor fedora but my sister and I both plastered our room with Duran2 posters. Her fave was John and My fave was Nick (with Simon coming in close to 2nd). I used to tell my mom I was sick so that I could stay home and watch Duran Duran videos on MTV. I made little snacks for myself like hot dog hunks, tiny mice size pieces of cheddar cheese, and dill pickle bits and eat them off of toothpicks. I remember eating Pizza Rolls, too...ick. It was such a WONDERFUL feeling to be home ALL alone for the entire day. If I wasn't watching MTV I was watching "As the World Turns" and "Guiding Light" or I was looking at old photos of me and my family that my mom kept in an empty San Francisco Salt Water Taffy box under her bed. I looked at the pictures in that box so much that sometimes I wonder if some of my childhood memories (which are few and far between) aren't actually false memories from looking at pictures over and over again. I also liked to draw "fashion pictures"...I would draw imaginary models in 80's new-wavey clothes. I invariably drew them with long bangs covering one of their eyes. I also discovered at this time from watching MTV that Adam Ant was really sexy. I also discovered that The Thompson Twins irritated me for a reason I couldn't put my finger on. I also remember going to Indian Acres (a swimming pool club for rich people even though we weren't rich) during the summer. I was always self-conscious of how gangly and thin I was in my garish one-piece suits. I was scared to go off the diving boards (esp. the high dive) but I did it occassionally anyway just to not be a wuss. I remember eating twinkies at the snack bar. I remember hearing things like Cheap Trick and ELO playing over the loudspeakers. I would get really excited when A Flock of Seagulls came on the radio. I remember that I wouldn't really burn OR tan no matter how long I laid on my towel. I just stayed WHITE.

Let's skip a few years to when I didn't have much of a social life on Friday nights and I would watch Friday Night videos, but even better we had USA and I would watch NightFlight, and thus I discovered Bauhaus and the concert they used to play on NightFlight and I think that changed my life, seriously! I also remember them playing "Rude Boy", but I wasn't really into The Clash at that point. They also played cool and irritating movies like "Smithereens" (with Richard Hell!) and "Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains" and Andy Warhol's "Dracula" and "Frankenstein"....God damn, this was almost 20 years ago that I'm talking about!

I was friends with Tracy and Jenny W. (who later got nicknamed "Jezebel")...I was also friends with Tappy, and eventually Simone. I would spend the night at Jenny W's and we would talk about Duran Duran (we still liked them) and watch her tape of Duran Duran videos. We also loved Japan and would listen to "Gentlemen Take Polaroids" and would shop at Record Swap, looking for cool imports...Somehow I ended up hearing and buying all this cool music by the time I was 16 or 17: Siouxsie, Joy Division, The Cure, The Birthday Party, The Misfits, The Cocteau Twins and almost ANYTHING else on 4AD (Tappy and I were always loooking at the Cocteau Twins import section), Red Lorry Yellow Lorry, The Glove..I could just go on and on. I associate Tracy more with the harder stuff that we got into like: Killing Joke and The Circle Jerks and The Ramones and Naked Raygun (esp. Throb, Throb..) even though she liked The Cure and all that, too. Then I discovered Christian Death and suddenly they became my new favorite band for awhile. We were all dying our hair various shades from orange to maroon to eggplant (though I never went that dark) and I remember going to thrift stores and trying to find cool vests and stuff to wear. I remember my long bangs. In my driver's license picture I look so silly. I've got a haircut I did myself...it's all choppy and spiked on one side and the bangs hang down..I'm wearing mismatched earrings and a raggedy vintage pajama top with a t-shirt underneath. My glasses are HUGE and red (which is SO 1986 or 1987!) I met Nestra and she turned me onto X and also made me a couple of pairs of kick-ass pants that were more like leggings and had crazy leopard print or geometric patterns on them. I would wear them with black socks and black shoes or boots and my Cramps t-shirt or some other t-shirt. I remember that I started wearing my dad's long black trenchcoat when it was cold outside. I was too shy to have a boyfriend, though I liked boys, I rarely said anything to them. There are SO many memories that I can't get them all out fast enough. I remember Tracy, Jezebel and I walking down to Lock Stock and Barrel (which had bagels and stuff) for lunch...I remember having a shameless flirting session (so UNLIKE me) with one of the "older" college dudes that worked there...Me "Hi..I'd like a bagel, buttered on both sides" and then he'd make some obvious sexual innuendo and I'd laugh and blush and GUH! If I didn't eat that I'd drink lemonade and eat a piece of lemon meringue pie..that was lunch..quite tart!! I remember walking to Lock Stock and Barrel and having TJ ask me why my legs were so white and then explaining to him that I was wearing WHITE TIGHTS!! I remember Tracy getting "Psychocandy" and marveling at the feedback that was the Jesus and Marychain!! I remember her older brother, Craig, giving us shit when we started listening to the Stooges, as if Iggy Pop belonged strictly to him and his friends who were a couple of years and grades older. Her brother used to ride through West Side Park with a boombox on his shoulder..He was the first person I knew to have a mohawk. Tap and I also hung out with Michelle T., who introduced me to The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Michelle T turned out to be a two-faced bitch, though and our friendship was fairly short-lived. I started getting to know Simone better....How can I forget Sweetdaddy's? Cherry Cokes and Ice Cream Sundaes..Tap and I would write poetry and draw little pictures in sketchbooks in there. She would go in the bathroom and puke whenever Danny (also nicknamed the "n" twin because Jezebel thought he looked like Nick Rhodes...he looked also like an uglier version of David Sylvian during "Adolescent Sex"..very Hanoi Rocks glam rock. Tap was in love. I just wanted sugar, sugar, sugar and more of it. I'd go across the street to White Hen Pantry and get candy (God..little mini Laffy Taffy's and stuff)...I was glad in high school not to have to take a yellow bus anymore and riding the city bus to and from school was cool. I'd stop on campus to transfer buses and always get a Jamocha shake at Arbys. I liked Andy Wilkie, who looked like Bono circa "Pride: In the Name of Love"...I also did some high school plays, which were sort of boring but it was something to do. On the weekends, we'd hang out on the Quad on campus (or in the student union)..I didn't really drink until I was 16, I don't think. I have a feeling some of these memories are already in another diary entry...rehash, rehash. I can never remember whether I'm repeating myself or not, so I think I'm gonna stop.