DREAM:
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I was in Ivesdale, IL (a tiny town my mother grew up in) and I was at a house that was supposedly my grandmother's house (but it really looked in reality like the house that USED to be across from hers) and my grandmother was still alive and my mom and grandmother were sitting in the front room and I went outside to check on something and I noticed tons of cop cars on the street, but the cops weren't around. Then I looked over in the neighbor's yard and noticed a HUGE tiger sitting in the shadows. I freaked out and walked very quickly back into the house and told them about all the cops and about seeing the tiger. I looked out the back window of the house and there were tons of wild animals (mostly gazelles, etc.) running around looking scared. Then I woke up! I wonder if the tiger and the panicked gazelles represent something? Maybe the panicked gazelles represent me and the tiger represents my fears??
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2005-07-21 : Therapy
I'm glad it's another day today. Yesterday I was sort of miserable. I went to my first session with a psychologist and we started talking about some things and then I just started sobbing....I was talking about things I hadn't thought about for awhile and it made me depressed. Unfortunately I left her office feeling much worse than I when I came in, but that sometimes happens. All of yesterday was a roller coaster of emotion (which sucks when you are at work)...I couldn't concentrate very well and I kept swinging back and forth between anxiety and depression. I hate crying at work and I end up doing it at my desk because I can't run down the stairs every 20 minutes to cry. Anyways, I hope today is a better day. I think this psychologist will help me in many ways, though. She seems to be very direct and she actually asks questions, besides just listening to me and that is something I think I need, more guided discussion instead of me just rambling on about this and that. I have a feeling it'll be hard work and painful at times, but I know it's necessary because I realize I have a lot of unresolved shit running around deep inside me that I need to take care of. I plan to focus on having her help me become less of a fearful person and this includes trying to work on getting over some of my phobias. We will see how it goes. 
