I think I'm one step closer to conquering my gynecological phobia. I've had several pelvic/pap exams (Boys, you might wanna leave the room now) but always have felt so much anticipatory anxiety about going through with these much-needed tests to keep a woman healthy that I've always considered myself to be phobic of paps and pelvic exams. For a few days before the event, I start dwelling on it and feel like I'm on the verge of tears. Then the day of the event I try to distract myself with inane TV, and then the moment comes in the examining room before anything has happened (and after I have explained what I need to be comfortable since I am so nervous) and I'm sitting there with the pink paper sheet spread over my legs and I just think I'm going to die.

Luckily, I took an entire klonopin to ease my nerves before I even went in for my appointment. Everybody was very gentle and understanding and I asked that someone come and hold my hand through the thing. The Nurse Practitioner was very gentle and kind and before I knew it, I had another annual exam and a bag of birth control pills (enough for a year) under my belt. I am proud of myself. Very proud indeed. I celebrated by going to Blockbuster and renting some movie set in Ireland (can't rememember the name..something about "Boys and Girls of County Clare") and for nostalgia sake I rented "River's Edge" and "Repo Man"..I also bought two boxes of Raisinets!!

I need to be working on my story instead of writing in here. It's called "White Crepe" (working title) and it's about a family stricken one by one with the Great Influenza of 1918 (I just read most of a large, technical book on this historical pandemic)...

So, despite being unemployed..I made myself conquer a fear the best I could, I'm in a period of creativity and I'm cooking Pork with Caraway Cream tonight.

Happy Hump Day!!

do the jerk * do the frug