I really don't have much to say anymore. I'm going through a period where I just want to isolate, isolate, isolate. I wish I could erase this all from my memory, but I can't. I cannot stop thinking about how my braindead sister looked in that hospital bed and I cannot stop imagining what it was like for her as she was gasping for breath before the paramedics arrived.

Josiah is doing well. THIS PART IS EDITED FROM THE EYES OF SNOOPY REPORTERS. Even the thought of Josiah brings me very little happiness. Maybe I'm being selfish. Maybe I'm "overgrieving" (as Larry once said he thinks people sometimes do. Not that he knows a damn thing about what he is talking about)

I'm not mad a Larry, I'm mad at the whole goddamn world. I'm not suicidal but I do feel like disconnecting, and the worst part is when I am not anything. The worst part is when I feel like a empty sack of skin walking around, performing my necessary functions in order to save face, in order to survive.

I just want to be alone.

One positive thing, if I haven't mentioned this. The day the ashes (of Sarah) arrived (Last Friday) was also the day that Larry found a frightened and beautiful seal point Siamese kitten/cat (she's about a year I would guess) stuck in a tree right in front of our house. We haven't been able to locate her owners (we have signs up in the neighborhood) but she is the sweetest thing. I truly believe that Sarah sent her here to comfort us, especially my mom, who has become this cats mother in a way.

do the jerk * do the frug