2006-02-01 : SO GODDAMN ANGRY
I feel like SHIT, SHIT, SHIT. I am so tired of grieving and the whole situation and I wish it would all just go away forever. I feel so angry. I even feel angry at my sister. I know I shouldn't blame her. I don't blame her, but GOD DAMN IT. Her choice to be with a man that abused her (in front of her kids) and that led to her demise...DAMN..I know it's not her fault, but I just want to blame her anyway and I know that is SO WRONG but I can't fucking help it. It's easier to blame her now that she's dead because I can't REALLY take out my anger on the person who is SHOULD be directed towards which is THAT MOTHERFUCKER, JUDAH. FUCK YOU..I hope you suffer like you've made Sarah and her family and friends suffer. I can't wait until you go to prison. I hope it's in a cold place rather than in Hawaii so you can look forward to bleak winters and freeze your dumb, murdering ass OFF..FUCK YOU.

Sorry Sarah...I love you, I miss you, but WHY DID YOU CHOOSE HIM? He has destroyed EVERYTHING!

I really just want to have a nervous breakdown, but it's not happening. Please, I wish someone could just ERASE all of this. I'd like to re-start my life in mid August of 2005 when mom first moved here..before the cancer, before the suffering and worrying and fucking DEATH..jesus christ.