Today has been up and down emotionally. This morning when I came in I took the framed pictures of my family and the new one of my sister and put them in a drawer because I couldn't bear to look at her.
Then for lunch I had a tasty thai wrap and went outside and prayed in the sun and took a long walk and I felt much better, so out came the pictures from the drawer and felt good and ate several oatmeal cookies that the guy working behind me brought in.
Then I say a disturbing picture on MySpace and down the spiral I go again, but I just left the pictures out.
I continued to work and I stared at my sister's picture. The one where it looks like she is looking directly AT ME with a tired, haunted, but slightly happy look in those clear blue eyes of hers. It's a magnificient picture of her, really. Much better than all the pictures from the wedding that were all over the news. That wasn't Sarah. That was some other woman that took over my Sarah because I think that Judah fuckhead made her think she had to change her looks and personality to please him or something. Very strange.
So I stare at her (and I keep thinking someone is behind me and it is driving me crazy because I keep turning around, real paranoid) Maybe it's her. But anyways, I digress..I start crying at my desk. Now, I ask myself, how many times do I have to get up and go to the bathroom in order to hide my grief (I don't feel like I have to hide it, but I do sometimes so I don't make my co-workers feel bad or uncomfortable) but finally it's too much and so off to the bathroom I go again.
I get back and I put on Slayer's "Reign in Blood" and the aggression seems to dry up my tears and clear my head and so, here we are.
