I think I basically just told Larry that our relationship is primarily over but I didn't actually say "we are broken up" or "I am breaking up with you"..it was a very mellow (and quite sad) conversation with me initiating it and me doing most of the talking and him absorbing it (I think)...I'm so fucking confused. The relationship is not bad enough to end IMMEDIATELY, but it's not good enough anymore to try to save or go through the motions anymore, either..what the fuck do I do? Where do I go with a sick mother? I am in total limbo. I feel really numb.

On a more positive note, I bought a bunch of books today and I spent WAY too much money on some Cds...every CD I bought I found COMPLETELY necessary..I couldn't put any back. I found 2 used PJ Harvey cd's (her best ones!) "Dry" and "Rid of Me"..so I HAD to get those because I only have them on tape, right? I HAD to get the new Mission of Burma, because it's THE NEW MISSION OF BURMA...who wouldn't get it, right? I had to buy The Stooges' "Raw Power" and I don't even have to say anything about THAT, right? I also really wanted Clinic's "Walking with Thee" because I really, really LIKE CLINIC and I only have that on tape. Of course I had to buy The Ventures "Ventures in Space/Telstar" because "Ventures in Space" is a MUST have and I had to buy The Count Five's "Psychotic Reaction" because I only have them on vinyl (our car doesn't have a turntable in it, unfortunately!) I also needed to buy the 13th Floor Elevators "The Psychedelic Sounds of the 13th Floor Elevators" because #1 DUH! #2 I OWNED the CD and still have the case but the CD got lost in my various moves around Seattle and then down here to Oregon. It's all perfectly justifiable, right? I mean, many people might spend $80.00 on crack, but I chose music, so...I'm right, right? Ka-chunk!

do the jerk * do the frug