I don't know if I'll be writing much here anymore. Maybe again at some point. I'm feeling like I need to write in a paper diary again. I'm feeling like I need privacy or something. There is just too much to try to write about life since mom's death. Thank you to everybody that has left a kind note, sent a card, etc. I love you all. I feel very lost right now. It's ok, though. I think it's ok to grope around in the dark. I am not afraid. I'm just very tired.

I keep going in mom's room and looking at her stuff. I keep looking FOR HER I think. I can't find her. I even say "MOM" outloud. Her things are everywhere. Her bathroom smells like her. It all makes me cry so hard. It all makes me feel so rusty inside. I manage to still get up in the morning, though.

do the jerk * do the frug