I cleaned the our upstairs bathroom thoroughly and also our bedroom. This took me a couple of hours and I was all red-faced and sweaty after doing so. I love getting in a clean shower in a clean bathroom and cleaning myself. I currently use Fructis Shampoo and Conditioner and a Verbena soap. I don't sing in the shower. I did listen to Thee Michelle Gun Elephant's "Gear Blues" and "The Best of the MC5" while cleaning and that helped keep up my energy level.
The squirrels that live in and our roof (oh, and the mice, too) make a hell of a lot of racket during the winter. SHUT UP you little fuckers!! Today it sounded like an gang of squirrels was fighting another gang of squirrels and that they then all fell off the side of the house. It was LOUD. I looked outside my windows but couldn't see anything. Poppy the cat was sitting on the lower roof watching it all happen. She is a REAL huntress...NOT! Sometimes I hear Poppy upstairs whining and meowing and just making the strangest, strangled noises. I'll go up there and open the door and she'll be lying on the bed with this long black shoelace next to her. I think she thinks it is a snake and wants me to play with her.
I have my travelers backpack (which doesn't hold as much as I had hoped..but that might be a good thing) packed full of all the clothes and other things I'll be taking with me to Europe. I wanted to do this to start to get organized about what clothes I'm taking (about 4-5 days worth of clothing, underwear, socks, etc.) I'll be wearing the same clothes many days in a row and washing them in sinks. Well, when I'm with Tracy and Hans I'll be able to use a washer and dryer. Anyways, yesterday I kept packing my clothes in 1 little mesh "packing cube" and my underwear in another. I still was unable to fit my extra pair of walking shoes in there or my fleece jacket for when it isn't REALLY cold. I must have rearranged and repacked that pack 5 or 6 times yesterday and my arms, shoulders, and strangely, my rib area are all sore from shoving stuff into tight spaces.
This morning I woke up early (which I never do) and I couldn't fall back asleep. I took a dose of Nyquil (I love Nyquil for it's sleep properties and because I still have a little bit of a cold lingering) and a klonopin and then I decided at 5:30 am to get up and restuff my pack again...God, how goofy, but I was fretting over it! I took everything out of the packing cubes and stuffed the underwear/socks in some side pouches and just rolled and stuffed the clothing in the pack without the "packing cubes" and voila..I was able to fit everything PLUS my extra pair of shoes and fleece jacket in. I don't have a single ounce of extra space in the pack now, though, and I don't like that, but so bet it. Starting tommorrow (or maybe next week when it isn't raining) I will be walking around Eugene and Springfield with that pack on my back. A tourist in my own town. I want to get used to having it on me and want to build up my back muscles and get in a little better shape because Feb. 27th will be upon me before I know it!! I found out that my current health insurance covers me overseas, so that is good. I got my money belt for security reasons (though it looks bulky and weird under certain outfits, but who cares) and now all I have to do is do a little more planning on exactly WHAT countries and WHAT TOWNS (I don't want to spend most of my time in huge touristy/capital cities if I can help it) I want to see and in what weeks/months. Still, I plan on keeping a loose intinierary. I also need to remind myself to start trying to learn a little dutch before I go since I'll probably spend more time in The Netherlands than anywhere else (though I plan to try to spend a month in Prague if I can)..I feel a little more comfy with German because I took 4 years of it in high school. I can't believe this is actually happening. I am going to be backpacking around EUROPA for 4+ months...YIPPEEE YOO HOO!!
I don't think that I mentioned recently that I am actually applying to Grad school at the Univ. of Oregon (to get my MFA in Creative writing). I have my application (and fee) and transcripts turned in and all my recommedation materials have been sent to the people doing my recommedations. I have my personal statement done and it just needs a little fine tuning. The main thing I need to focus on in the next 2 weeks is picking out what I consider my best 10 poems and tweaking them and then sending them and my personal statement and 1 more transcript to the Creative Writing program itself. I will be in Europe by the time they send out acceptance/rejection letters in March. I honestly have NO idea if I'll be accepted or not. I think my poetry is strong enough but maybe they won't? Oh well...if I get accepted I will go to Greece and celebrate, and if I get rejected I will...GO TO GREECE AND CELEBRATE. I've come to learn that things happen for a reason and that if I don't get into school now it means that I am meant to be doing something else (like extending my stay in Europe..much to Larry's displeasure..I wish he could just come with me..but he has this house and his job and all.) He is coming over for two weeks at the end of April/beginning of May and Tracy, Hans, Larry and I are going to either the English countryside, Italy or Greece. I REALLY need this break from Larry. He isn't doing anything wrong but I need to find out if he is truly the ONE for me. Right now I really don't know much about anything and I feel so disconnected from him and my libido is just gone..just a pile of dust on the floor and who knows when that will perk up again. It always makes me feel guilty.
I'm re-reading "The Dharma Bums"...I remember reading it when I was still married to Rob. It must have been around 1996 or 1997. I wanted to be Japhy Ryder. I've decided to re-read a bunch of my books. I don't remember much about a lot of them (my memory is bad or maybe that happens to everybody) so it'll be like I never read them in the first place. Time to order a pizza. I'm starving. I think this is the longest entry I've written in a long while. It feels good to just type, type, type..even if it is mundane and semi-boring. I'm feeling pretty good this week. I made snickerdoodles and I haven't felt such intense longing for either Sarah or mom. I'm getting more used to the idea of them being gone in some ways. I'm trying to realize and keep reminding myself that they actually ARE with me, I just don't see the signs half the time. I think they are around me a lot and it makes me smile. Sometimes I go around expecting some "spirit" to appear or to have some major spiritual experience involving them but I realize they send themselves to me in such subtle ways that half the time I'm not even aware or paying attention.
Well..I'll do a stream of consciousness entry (I love just trying to have a blank mind and then typing whatever stories/images/words come to my head) soon. This entry is already too long.
Happy Thursday evening.
