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Dream:
It was New Years Eve, I think..Larry and one of his friends (?) and I were out. We ended up at this strip joint which was REALLY casual..no stages..just women coming into the center of a floor that was surrounded by nice tables..The woman could choose a song and then she just stripped and danced while others watched..no tipping, etc. It was more like stripping as an art form. Suddenly I found myself in the center. I decided to take a crack at stripping though I was ashamed of my less than perfect body. I put on a black, bobbed wig and had on a skimpy black dress with skimpy black undergarments underneath and tall shoes or boots. I don't remember if Larry watched or suddenly just vanished. I can't remember the song, but I danced and stripped and I did it so well and suddenly felt really free and good about myself and my body. When I sat down after my impromptu strip, a few people approached me. One lady ran a legitimate dance company (ballet, jazz, etc.) and wanted me to meet her the next day for lunch to discuss me entering her dance academy. The other was from this club and they wanted to know if I was interested in working as a dancer there on a regular basis.
As the night wore on, I thought, hell, I should take the dance classes AND be an exotic dancer..it'll free my inhibitions. I was walking around late at night and people were in outdoor cafes everywhere..I think I was in Europe (Spain or Italy) then...suddenly it was morning and the bright sunshine made me feel that I looked like a whore in my skimpy black dress and wig. I kept trying to find and call Larry but my cell phone had died. The owner of the club I had danced at (this stocky woman that dressed in dowdy "mom" clothes) told me she could drive me home and I told her where to go (it was some part of Seattle that doesn't actually exist in reality) and we started talking about Minnesota and she was doing a poor imitation of the accents in "Fargo"...then I WOKE UP..hmm..
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Larry is sick with the cold that I am finally mostly over. The sun is hot but it's frigid and the snow is melting, but only very slowly. It was nice to get a bit of snow.
I'm going to eat breakfast, take a shower, and wear my malachite jewelry. I've noticed that it helps me get my emotions out (which the stone is said to do) and in the past week I've felt completely blocked and numbed out to any feelings of grief..which is making me feel strange and inhuman. I need and want to cry but I can't, so I need something to pull it up out of me. Wonder what movies are playing at the $1.50 theater? I need to get out of this house!
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oh yea, in that dream..I decided that the next time I would dance/strip it would be to "Sympathy For the Devil" (such a great Stones song!)
