An old friend of Sarah's left a message on her memorial web-site and it really touched me. It also has touched off so much sadness and anger about her murder that I thought I had gotten rid of. Stupid me. This old friend talked about how he was in love with Sarah and even asked her out. This made me smile. So very sweet. I wish I could turn back time and have some control over the universe and have her ditch THAT MOTHERFUCKER (yea..I'm angry!) and try dating someone as cool and kind as this guy seems. It sounds like I am blaming her. I'm not, but I do admit that sometimes I feel frustrated AT her about her inability or (or desire not to) leave..and then I feel like a real asshole because I feel like I am blaming her. I just don't understand. I never will. I was never in that sort of abusive relationship and so no matter how hard I try and reconcile it all in my head, and no matter how much training in domestic violence I've had and no matter how much literature I read on why women don't and can't leave, I still want to go back and beg and plead...LEAVE HIM, He's going to KILL YOU! PLEASE, Sarah, PLEASE!! It is all wishful thinking.
I woke up at 4 am this morning and got so pissed off that I couldn't fall back sleep and then I just started crying for Sarah and the people hurt or killed in the recent university shootings. Then I thought about this news story I heard (it happened here in town, I think) about the most disgusting kind of animal abuse (I don't know if they caught who did it or not) but it was about someone finding two kittens who had been decapitated. I"M SORRY. I didn't mean to go into details because I don't want to upset other people, but JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!! All animal abuse makes me sick, but that just takes the cake. Why can't people be kind to each other (and animals) and treat each other wish love and respect? It really is EASY, I think!
I need to try to go back to sleep and hopefully when I wake up the world will seem less bloody.
