You would have turned 36 today. I thought I would feel bad or sad but I don't feel any of those things, surprisingly. The sun is shining (like how you like it) and it is a beautiful fall day. I wonder if there are birthday parties where you and Mom are? I'd say "Heaven" but that word doesn't completely sum up what/where/how I think about the after life. I bet the cake is delicious, though!

What's been up with me? I've been working as a care giver to a sweet lady with mid-stage Alzheimers. I like helping out people. I know you did, too. I never got enough of your massages while you were still alive. I think I only had one when I went to visit you. I remember how strong your hands are.

People don't know yet...but don't, but Larry and I have a surprise...we are eloping. I guess that would be the word. We decided we DO want to get married. I was just afraid. The timing wasn't right and that was one of several reasons why I canceled the original wedding. People may not understand but I don't care to be understood. Congratulations are all I want to hear. I still don't know if you ever secretly got married. The state says you didn't but I wonder....Larry and I called "Weddings On Call" (isn't that hilarious) and are paying a small fee to have "The Reverend Diana" marry us. It happens this Saturday afternoon. He is wearing this beautiful barong tagalog he got in the Philippines. I am wearing a gold velvet dress that I love. We aren't spending much on this wedding, which is the way I think it should be (esp. since it's my third time!) We will probably have a party/reception/come see our remodeled house shindig next year. Probably in August. I wish you could be there. I wish you'd knock on my front door right now and ask me to go for a walk.

I haven't been able to talk to Adahy and Wahliya (I just can't call her Lilli because it IS NOT THE NAME YOU GAVE HER) though I've written twice recently. That makes me sad. I wish they had their own phone. I wish they'd care enough to call...they are kids, though and can't help it. They have other things on their mind. I know you watch over Josiah. If he were with you on your birthday you'd be spending so much time playing with him and laughing at him and chasing him around.

We are going to Larry's parents for Christmas. I've never been up in the mountains of Arizona before and I've never met his mom and stepdad. I think it'll be fun. We'll tell them about the wedding when we see them for Christmas. I hope they aren't disappointed that we chose to do it this way, but really, it is our business alone.

I will be in Illinois and for Thanksgiving and am excited to see everybody. Everybody misses you. They'd all love to see you again. I will see your and mom's grave for the first time in person. I don't know how I'll react. I'll put flowers on it. What kind do you want?

I love you, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Love,
Stacey

ps..Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight...(ha ha ha...our little inside joke!)