So, it's 2008. I what will this year brings? Hopefully more adventures and happiness and harmony for myself, Larry and those that I love (friends, family, etc.)...I try to live day to day so I don't plan too far ahead into the future.
I feel restless and I'm not sure what it is. I think I am spending too much time alone and indoors and that drives me crazy after awhile. I just haven't felt real motivated lately to do much.
I have been meditating several times a week, though, and that is good. However, I can't seem to shake this feeling of irritability that I have. It isn't like me to always feel irritable. It is like I have PMS (but I don't)..hmmm...I guess I just need to get myself out of it.
Sad things have been happening to my friends and I feel badly for them. One of my friends called me last week and told me that her best friend was killed in a car accident. That is horrific. I almost didn't know completely what to say (besides how sorry I was and that I was there for her)..and it made me understand a little more about people not knowing what to say to me after my sister and mom died. Some things just leave you speechless. Now the tables are turned and I am the one not quite knowing if what I am saying is comforting or not. Then I found out that my other friends had to put down their cat today. He was a sweet cat and my friend had had him for SO LONG. He lived to be 21 years, which is AMAZING! Still, animals are loved like people and it is sad to think of life without them.
I think I am slightly depressed and I don't know what exactly about. This is different from grieving. I'm feeling like there is nothing to look forward to now. I'm feeling like I have no idea what I want to or should be doing with my life. I know I am happy with Larry and waiting patiently for us to become pregnant. I know that the murder trial is set for March in Hawaii and I'm sort of looking forward to going to Hawaii (it's so beautiful) though I'm not at all looking forward to the trial, obviously. Maybe I need to think about smaller things to look forward to. But what?
There IS a possibility that Larry might be going back to the Philippines at the beginning of February to do more of what he did when he was over there in October. If the air fare is reasonable I think I am going to go with him this time. Traveling is something that I always love doing and it is something to look forward to. If he doesn't end up going, that is alright as well.
