My sweet little sister, Sarah, was murdered 3 years ago today. It happened to be the day after Thanksgiving ("Black Friday" seems fitting for that day!) in 2005. I feel ok today, but had a meltdown yesterday. It all started because of a malfunctioning vacuum cleaner. We have a great vacuum cleaner but it gets clogged easily from cat hair and the shedding persian rug upstairs in our bedroom. When it wouldn't work and the bedroom was only half vacuumed I got SO PISSED (Hello, preggers hormones!) and started crying and wanted to smash the vacuum through the window but I just sat on the floor, sobbing and rocking and yelling at my cats who were bugging me (which made me cry harder cuz I felt guilty for being a jerk towards them)...I think it was really pent up anger and frustration at Sarah's murder. Usually when I cry out of grief these days it seems to be for Mom..it is like I just don't allow my brain to fully access the Sarah stuff. Her b-day and the anniversary of her murder are always hard for me though. I was also listening to Nirvana's "Insecticide" (thought it'd be inspiring cleaning music) but it has some really depressing songs on it. Didn't help much! Larry fixed the vaccum (unclogged it) when he got home from work. I just relaxed the rest of the afternoon and watched a pretty hilarious little documentary called "American Mullet". We went to Mekala's and had Thai food for dinner so I didn't have to cook. This morning I am meeting friends at the mall to go see the 11:25 showing of "Twilight' (Loved the books, gotta see this though I'm sure I'll be disappointed!)

Sarah: I love you and miss you and know that you are happy where you are (and that you are with mom and everybody else that you love)...Your kids are doing great (though I wish I had more contact with Adahy and Wahliya) and I wish you were around to see my preggers belly and to be an Auntie..I guess you'll always be an Angel Auntie, though. I love you! I love you!

Ps..I woke up this morning, startled, because I distinctly heard someone in the room whisper "Stacey"..I looked around thinking Larry had come home from work and had spoken to me but there was nobody there. Kinda scared me in a certain way! Was that you Sarah?

do the jerk * do the frug