2012-07-13 : Peri-Menopause? Oregon Country Fair? Lemon Balm?
I have felt like an irritable robot for the past month, I swear. I don't know what is going on with me. I feel a little like I have constant PMS, but it is more like I feel nothing at all most of the time, sort of numbed out. I just don't feel like "me" and I can't even describe what I am feeling. It is a really uncomfortable feeling. It isn't like things don't make me laugh or that I don't look at Bella and feel my heart melt. I just feel OFF. I am hoping this will subside in a few days (once menstruation (hahahahaha, what a word) has begun and the ended).

We went to Astoria for the 4th of July. We drove up the Coast and it was beautiful and sunny. Our B&B DID smell like cat piss (just as some reviews I had read mentioned) but our room itself didn't. It was a cool house from the 1880's but I have stayed at nicer B&B's before, so I was sort of indifferent to this one. The owner was a very nice lady (probably early 70's) and she got all sorts of food together so all the boarders could have a "bbq" (though she cooked hot dogs on the stove. When somebody says "bbq" to me I think of grilling meat. We grill out all summer long). She did make really tasty potato salad and cherry pie, though. We were able to sit on the back lawn of the B&B and watch the fireworks being set off over the Columbia River. We had spectacular view, actually, so that was nice. It was pretty funny hearing Bella imitate the sound of fireworks. She is so silly.

Our mini-vacation was a bit of a let down to me. I had these high expectations and during our little vacation I kept thinking to myself "when am I going to start actually having a good time?" I felt irritable the whole time we were away for the most part. Part of it had to do with staying in a B&B with Bella. We were constantly saying "shhhhhh" and "keep your voice DOWN" because we felt like she was bothering people, even though nobody said a word. I just couldn't relax. She was also a bit of a brat since her schedule was all thrown off and she didn't have her usual 2-3 hour daily nap for several days in a row. She napped in spurts in the car. I have little patience sometimes. I wish I was better about that. I think L must have sensed my irritability because he was pretty irritable himself. So, I kind of felt like we were all cranky. I was so looking forward to the vacation and now it is over and I feel like I need another one to make up for this one not being what I wanted it to be.

I don't even feel like talking about the trip and what we did, so I won't.

On Sunday we are going to the Oregon Country Fair. It is a HUGE hippie festival that happens every year (since 1969) and attracts about 45,000 people in it's 3 day run. It is fun and strange and dirty and hot and I can only take about 3 hours but the food and the people watching and some of the vendor booths make it worth while. Lots of topless women in all shapes and sizes with flowers and suns and faces and all sorts of artwork painted on their boobies. I admire them. I am too modest to go around in public without a shirt on. We always go when it opens at 11 to avoid the major crowds.

>>I really don't have much else to say. I am glad that summer FINALLY seems to be here. Nice and sunny and warm every day. I love watering all of our plants on our back deck every morning while it is still cool. We have a little lemon tree in a pot (Meyer lemons) and they look like little limes right now..I can't wait to see them turn yellow and then eat them. It has been fun watching them grow (it seems to take MONTHS for the lemons to grow to any edible size)..We also have lemon balm growing in our garden on our little hill in the backyard and that lemon balm is taking over...but I read that it has many uses (one of which is relieving anxiety and depression)..I need to pick some leaves and brew a tea and see if it helps my mood. I did chew up a leaf or two to see if I could feel any "sedating" effects. I spit the leaves out because I didn't feel like actually swallowing them. It was like having lemon oil (the kind used for polishing wood) in your mouth, but not as gross as that actually sounds. I guess it is a natural insect repellent (though honey bees are highly attracted to it)..

Ok, Bella is calling...must end this.