I feel very happy and "alive" today. I don't know what it is. Some fog or dark storm cloud seems to have been lifted off me. I had some intense (and obviously healing) experiences with meditation last night and I think it lifted whatever was sitting on my chest, suffocating me. I don't feel like describing these experiences here, though. I think I need to write more in my paper diary and less in this. I dunno. Anyways..I feel great and I have massage tonight and then Jay is picking me up and we'll go to the Tin Hat and I'll eat a cheeseburger and onion rings and not care about the fat or my heart or any possibly clogged arteries and I'll drink a few beers and not care that alcoholism runs in my family or that I might feel hung over the next day and I'll go to bed with a smile on my face and a cat underneath each arm. That is how I feel right now. Here is my dream from last night: dreamed of a Halloween parade. I think it ws in champaign-urbana, nice sunny autumn day. I was trying to find an outfit with a pumpkin/jack-o-lantern theme (such as a shirt or something), then I started my period and couldn't find any supplies and I remember my hands touching blood (I know where that comes from..in the book I am reading a woman keeps having miscarriages...lotsa blood in one chapter of the book). Then I was with Jill and Gigi and then I was talking to some guy, who seemed oddly familiar, but in essence was someone I've never met before. I was in this room with him. I was crouching down on the floor trying to find something in a gigantic pile of clothing and I was telling him "Oh, you don't want me. You want her so quit pretending." and then he pushed me into the pile of clothes (that was fun, like falling into a pile of raked leaves) and attempted to kiss me. Then I woke up.

do the jerk * do the frug