#1..people that say "oh, you are weird" to me just because they are fucking idiots, have no idea what I was talking about (I was talking about linguistics..they probably think it is an Italian pasta). People that accuse (even in teasing, they really do mean it!) of being "weird" are SO BORING and personality-less. THey are fucking cardboard cutouts (yes..this guy at work who I used to get a kick out of..he just irks me now)...what is wrong with not seeing the world like everyone else, anyway? I'm so sick of uptight, square, conservative fuckers who want everything THE SAME. People should look, talk, dress and have the same interests as them (Rap and sports)..how fucking exciting!! I also hate DRIVERS that have no courtesy for pedestrians. When I am crossing the street DON"T YOU FUCKING DARE ATTEMPT TO GLIDE INTO ME..sure, you ARE stopping to let me cross, but just barely..pulling your GODDAMN GAS_GUZZLING, ROAD HOGGING SUV right up through the crosswalk. Yea, buddy..thanks for the FAVOR of LETTING me have the RIGHT OF WAY!
I'm also sick of people that don't remember how to ROCK OUT. (Yes..I am being hyper-judgemental here..I just don't care). I had a friend imply that she doesn't like to go see rock bands because she has matured. What the fuck is that? She knows damn well that I like my rock. Is she implying that she has MATURED more then I have? I know she wasn't directing it at me at all..but god damn, that is just condescending. People that claim that they just have matured and are "picky" about what music they like (but only listen to reggae and ridiculous new age music) are not "picky"..they have just lost their edge. They have become close-minded. YUCK! Anyways..I will always love THE ROCK. I don't care if that is considered juvenile. Jesus..I am such a hypocrite for dissing on people that judge me, when I am sitting here judging everyone on God' green earth..but that is just human weakness. I have noticed also, that people that have children (this will really piss most people off) just become so LAME. I realize that they are tired because being a parent zaps all their energy, but COME ON..get a fucking babysitter and have some fun. I don't know...I just am not into kids. I doubt I'll ever have them because I am a selfish bastard and I don't wanna lose myself, my personality, my free time, my desire and ability to do nothing for hours but read. I don't wanna listen to someone whining. I don't wanna change diapers..I don't wanna ..I don't wanna. God, why am I so mad today? Ok..I'm gonna change the subject. I hope my friends with kids/or that like kids don't misunderstand me and get offended by what I am saying. This is my diary and I can rant about whatever I want, and whomever I want..so there! Maybe I should be taking my sedative, but damn it I can't always fall back on that as a crutch to "calm" my emotions down. I just need to feel the way I feel, undrugged, sometimes. Anyways...blah blah blah. Here is a strange and sort of funny dream I had last night:I dreamed I was at Grandma Maries..she seemed very coherent and much less senile then she does now in reality and that was really refreshing to see! I was telling her she should write her memoirs or that I should write them for her. She went into another room and came back with a handful of little cards she had written stories about her life on. I never got a chance in my dream to read these, but I was really excited..then at some point I knew she had reverted back to her senile self, because I found all these weird little snake/worm things she had made out of bread dough..she had hidden them in places in her house and I knew her brain wasn't really working properly again. Then suddenly, she was gone..her car was gone and it was as if I'd been imagining that she was ever in her house with me in the first place. Then a bunch of my relatives were around. I had these distance cousins that were Lebanese (???huh?) and I was ashamed to admit that I had a crush on this one Lebanese cousin named Arthur (and I think he had a crush on me too)..he was pretty sexy looking. Dark and exotic. At some point I vaguely remember laying with a bunch of my cousins on a bed (we were full grown adults..not children) and Arthur and I were sort of holding hands..very strange. THen when I asked Arthur's dad what Arthur's email address was, the dad got really suspicious like "what are you and my son doing?" one of those crushes on cousins is taboo feelings. THen I was at another relatives house (I think was also sort of supposed to resemble grandmas house)...lots of drunk relatives..even my sister was and I was sober and pissed because I wanted someone to drive me home but they were all too wasted. I wanted to go up to the upper stories of this old, Victorian house the party was in but then my recurring dream almost kicked in (of there being Victorian female ghosts on the upper floors of my grandma's house), but I decided not to go see if there were ghosts up there because I was too scared. Someone put on some sort of music I liked and I started dancing..then I think I woke up.
Well, that is about it. I feel inclined to spend alot of time lately with Jason. I miss him. That is a good thing. I think our relationshiop will improve from this feeling I have for him. I kinda feel more "in love" with him again..aah!! mushy..mush..kiss kiss.. I gotta get back to work..I think this venting helped me. I feel exhuasted now...didn't know I could type this fast or this much..wow!
Everyone! Have A GReat weekend (am I MOODY or what?)
