We got relayed a message from The Hospital (for whose physicians I do the billing) about the hospital's preparedness for terrorist attacks. So, the country issued a level ORANGE warning for today, tommorrow, etc. Did I mention Orange is my fave color? Not in this context. Ok..I shouldn't be getting worked up. I said I wouldn't THINK about or TALK about 9-11/terrorism or anything related but for some reason right at this second I feel really petrified of something else happening. God..I hate fear. I hate MY fear. It is hard to make go away. PLEASE..let there be no more traumas/tragedies involving this whole thing. Actually..let noone ever kill anyone else again anywhere for any reason...that is a pipedream I know..but I'm feeling anxiety-ridden suddenly. Like tommorrow, when I'm riding on the bus I don't wanna worry about planes flying into Union Square 1 and 2 (we are "twin towers" in a sense, just not as tall)..I don't want an earthquake to happen that collapses a viaduct on top of the bus I'll be riding in, but I can't just STAY HOME and HIDE. I wish I could. I hate this shit. I hate feeling like I have no control over when/where I die. GOd damnit!! Someone save me! I need to take a few deep breaths and then I'll be ok..argh! Let there be peace, PLEASE..GOD, No more shit! PLEASE..this is a prayer!! I hope something is out there that is listening. Lately I've had my doubts. Fucking Nietzsche..why did I ever read exsistentialism??

do the jerk * do the frug