2002-10-04 : Whining, Moping and Feeling Sorry for My Tired Self
SIGH

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I feel really tired and sad right now. Unbelievably sad and I don't even about what and that makes it the worst kind of sadness. I'm sick of this work every day for 8 hours, go home, eat, do something else, go to sleep, wake up and do the same thing all over again sickness that I have. This stupid 9-5 illness that I'm forced to swallow in order to pay the rent, pay the credit cards, pay the cable, pay the power bill, feed the cats, feed myself, feed Jay. Money, Money, Money. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of having to drain myself of all energy in order to survive. I want someone to take care of ME. Won't somebody please take care of me? I can't move back in with my mom. I'm not independtly wealthy. I'm also tired of seeing the desperate, drunk, starving, pantless, dirty, stinking, shitting, pissing, slowly dying homeless people in this city that noone seems to give a SHIT about. Maybe I should volunteer at a shelter. Maybe that would make me feel better. I should just be thankful to have what I do and stop feeling sorry for myself. That is all. Maybe I should just stop THINKING, period. That is all. THat is all there ever is. This is the end....oh no, I won't end this quoting the fucking DOORS! HA! I'll go look at Bucky and Get Fuzzy and weebl and bob and I'll feel better again. I'm starting to realize why people love cartoons and comics. I need a change of scenery. I need a new body, brain and emotional wiring. I need to be someone else. I"ll just pretend.