2002-12-12 : Sober up! (also: sleepy visions)
So, the drunken ex-husband calls last night (while I'm in bed, sleepy from my sedative and having gorgeous stream-of-consciousness images dance around my head) and Jason is trying to write a review for the Tablet (a local free newspaper) for the upcoming Bo Diddley show. Jason has a deadline and he humors drunken ex by talking for a few moments and then says that he really doesn't have time right then to talk because he's trying to get this review written for the paper on time, so they hang up and then drunken ex-husband calls back 3 minutes later as if he hadn't heard a fucking word Jason said. Jason humors him for a few more minutes and then they sign off. No more calls. I wake up this morning and check me email. At least a month ago I emailed some people (including drunk ex-husband) a poem I'd written that I liked quite a bit and that summed up how I was feeling about winter at that point. Ex-husband responds (obviously typing it right after he got off the phone w/Jay last night) (In my email I said "just thought I'd share this w/you guys) and drunkie responds "just thought I'd share this with YOU...you are nothing to me......thank you." WTF?

I"m sick of his whiny "I hate myself, I'm lonely (of my own doing..he chooses to isolate himself from EVERYONE), I hate everybody else"....If the feels so little towards me, then WHY DOES HE FUCKING CALL? I know he was just feeling drunk and bitter but nonetheless I've had enough of that sort of shit from him. That was partially why I chose to divorce him (not to mention that he called me "bitch" all the time, threw furniture around and asked me time and time again to cut him up with an ax..that pretty much solidified it for me). I care about him. Hell, I'll even always love part of him, but when he turns psycho because he can't get the attention he thinks he deserves WHEN he wants it, I just want him to disappear. GRRRRRR!

Ok, I'm gonna try to recall some of the "half way in the real world, half way in the dream world" images and such that were running around in my brain last night because they were particularily vivid. (This may not make sense..not even to me.)

A lantern which gives off a really green light and I can taste salty sea air in my mouth and I chew on it like a vinegary sucker. Everything is so green and everybody is dressed up in costumes made of bones and there is clicking and clacking.

-----

I can't remember anything else. I'm not claiming it to be poetry or anything but strange, sleepy visions.