Great...NOW I've been scheduled to have a meeting w/my supervisor to discuss "my attendence"..it's my own fault..I've missed too much time in the year that i've worked here, and I was sick for a couple of days last week, but figured I'd be ok cuz I'd gone three months without calling in sick, but I have a sinking feeling I"m about to formally be written up..which means I could get fired the next time I miss work, and it means I won't be eligible for the quarterly bonuses we get (which I desperately need, to pay my taxes, to help pay the fucking bill of the damage done to the last apartment...etc.) I just feel like shit. All of thius at once, not to mention this war shit which just leaves a big black hole in my heart..even larger than what was already there. I miss my family..I never fucking see them....I didn't get into grad school which makes me feel stuck here in this sort of career, the fact that I still continually have to be the breadwinner cuz Jay still isnt' workiing more than 15-20 hours per week and can't even pay me for utilites, and barely for rent. The fact that one of my closest friends is still continuing to travel w/the military as an observing journalist in Iraq and I'm constantly worried that he'll be one of those "innocent casualties"....this is all so FUCKED. I try to "pray" for healing and peace and as way to get guidance for myself, but sometimes I don't think I'm praying to anything. I don't know that I really believe in God or anything at this point. I don't believe in anything..not even myself anymore. God, this is such as whiny, piece of shit entry. I"m sorry. I just want to go home and hide. see you tommorrow.

do the jerk * do the frug