Last night when I got home from my massage, John (the band's drummer) was over and him and Jay were looking at giant switchblades on Ebay...so Jay's ebay search has gone from guitars to switchblades...boys will be boys, I suppose. John is adorable in a 18-year-old that really looks more like a 15-year-old way, and he looks like an elf or something...tall and gangly. I haven't hung around an 18-year-old for a long time. He doesn't SEEM 18, though. He seems fairly mature. He told me to go to steak and cheese.com (which is on par with rotten.com) if I wanted to look at disgusting pictures (have I ever told you how...ah, never mind...) and I told him and Jay to go to creepyvan.com. I ended up cooking veggie burgers in the oven with fries (nothing special) but John was so THRILLED to eat what he called "a real meal" (I guess he survives mostly on Ramen, poor guy!)...then the other band guys came over...Bruno from Berlin, and Mike the rockabilly guy (who is very cute!) who is their new bass player and I had all these rock boys around me and it was thrilling in a shallow and juvenile way.

Then Jill came over and we walked to The Satellite Lounge (it's an ok place, but I doubt I'll go there again...) and each had a pint of Fat Tire and I smoked too many cigarettes and I told her about what is going on w/Jay and I, and how he's still planning on moving out (June) and my mixed feelings, and we discussed whether or not I would ever be brave enough to get off my meds and deal with my anxiety attacks and depression in a natural way, but no matter what I said about myself, the discussion invariably always led back to her and Eric, her and Eric (though she didn't talk about herself as much as normal)...I love Jill and this is just the way she is, but sometimes her ability to talk on and on about herself and her inability to really listen to me when I attempt to discuss my life (which isn't very often..I'm guarded even around my family, let alone friends) makes me not really want to even hang out with her, but we are such old, good friends and I am too passive-aggressive, obviously, to tell JIll "You know...I'm sick of listening to you about YOU, it's time to talk about ME for a change..." so I just deal with it.

We just had an earthquake "drill".....there is no way I would duck and cover underneath my desk...it's flimsy...I'd be safer just standing in the nearest doorway. So during the drill I went to the nearest doorway and shook my body around like a real earthquake was occuring...it was fun. I felt like a go-go dancer in a cage. Nobody seemed to get the joke, though. I swear that I work with a bunch of zombies (except for my friend, Lynn)

I started Jennifer Lauck's "Blackbird" and the writing is SO detailed and the story is really very heartbreaking..what a great book. I had dreams of living in a dorm/communal housing thingie..I also dreamed of kissing some young blonde boy, and we got interrupted and you could see his erection through his pants as he had to leave the room, and I also dreamed that I did laundry and didn't realize that my cats were in the basket and I opened the dryer and poppy was in there, all sleepy and dazed, but not dead and I felt horribly guilty. Glad it was just a dream (not that I'd ever be that brain-dead in real life!)

do the jerk * do the frug