You know who I think sucks? BRYAN ADAMS! I was just on hold with an insurance company and had no choice but to listen to one of his songs (the one from "Don Juan DeMarco") I think...God, he's just AWFUL. I will admit that when he first came out, I liked "Cuts like a Knife"...it rocked slightly and was pretty sexy, but then he went all soft and flaccid. URGH! I sat outside during lunch today in the bright spring sun and there is quite a breeze and I just closed my eyes and let it blow my hair around like a crazy cotton candy machine and it felt GOOD. I think Jay and are heading to the cheap cinema ($3.00 movies anytime) to see "About Schmidt" tonight. I'm a fan of Jack. He's such a bastard. I'm referring to Jack Nicholson for those not knowing what "About Schmidt" is ..uh, ABOUT! This weekend I've felt some of my anger and resentment lift towards Jay. He's still moving out June 1st as far as I know, but I know we aren't "breaking up." He's a good guy in general and he IS my best friend. He was so happy and thrilled that I made such a mid-western meal last night and he seemed so appreciative that I cheerfully asked if he wanted and salad and then made one for him. I'll admit that sometimes I like to be all domestic and cook for "my man" Serve it up on a plate. We had the food of my childhood: cube-steaks (in the chicken-fried stytle that my mom always made them), green beans and tater tots (I sure eat alot of tots, don't I?)

Earlier that day I made us BLT's, which were good as well. I can feel my arteries clogging and I don't really give a fuck. It's good food. Jay put on the Violent Femmes (the album with all the best songs/"hits" on it) and we danced around a little, which was fun. I never liked that band in high school, but now I think they are great. I've always liked "Gone Daddy Gone" the best...xylophone solo!! Then I went and got a 6 pack of Henry Weinhard's Hefeweizen and a pack of smokes (God...I'm just gonna smoke and quit again when I feel like it..no beating myself up..what's done is done....I feel guilty, though...ok, enough!) and we sat out on the steps/porch of our "walk-up" and the sun was almost blinding me and we drank our beer out there and felt almost like summertime. Then one of our neighbors, Eric came up and smoked w/us and we gave him a beer. He's nice enough and I don't know what it is about him that makes me feel this way but he makes me feel a little creeped out. I just get a slightly icky vibe from him. Strange, and I could have sworn that when he walked up to us (he was coming back from class) that he said "Hey..." and then something about "niggers"...I probably heard him wrong but now I'm convinced he's a racist pile of dung and that just bugs the shit out of me. That could be part of why I suddenly feel like I don't want to talk to him. I might go smoke on the back steps from now on in order to avoid having to converse with him when he's smoking out front.

We watched Susan Hayward in "I Want to Live!" as we drank our beers with the blinds closed. I loved it. It was sort of a bummer, though. Especially the ending!! The soundtrack was great...really typical, really dramatic jazz from the mid 50's.

I got an email from Ron, my ex-boyfriend whom I've written about in here before (he's the Radio Free Europe journalist that was travelling in Iraq with the US military.) I'm glad to hear that he's just flown back to Prague in one piece (he said he flew back with "nine body bags") and I hope he gets a long, well-deserved vacation after all that death and violence!!

do the jerk * do the frug