2003-05-07 : I swear to God, I'm just gonna up and GO!!
My mind is a whirlpool of activity right now. I got an email from my buddy Ron who lives in Prague(the Radio Free Europe journalist that just spent sometime in Iraq)...periodically he emails me one of his fairly convincing "What are you waiting for? COME TO EUROPE and see the BIG WORLD" dealies and I get the seeds planted in my head (I've wanted to go for a long time and many things always stop me: my family is here, my boyfriend/husband/cats/friends..I can't leave them..I don't have the $$, how could I do it alone??..blah, blah, blah...many excuses...) Anyways, today his email REALLY has me thinking. I mean..I have some people I could STAY with, right? Readers and Fans in European countries: RAISE your hands if I can visit you!! Sign my guestbook...strangers can become the best of friends, right? Ha Ha. So he made me think...if Jason and I are gonna be apart permanently..I could sell most of my possessions here in Seattle. Just take some clothes and my journals and some music and some books for storage back to Illinois. My mom is DONE with Hawaii. She can't wait to get off that fucking Big Island. Her roots are too deep back in Illinois. She's moving back to Illinois at the beginning of July (didn't I predict this? hee hee) and buying herself a house w/some of her inheritance/land money. I could go back to Illinois and live rent-free w/her for six months and pay off some bills and save some $$ and then I could just GO to EUROPE for a couple of months (or longer...why should I put a time limit on it? Well...I guess when the $$ ran out I'd have to come back..I wouldn't be able to work in Europe right? Or could I? I'd have to get a visa? HOw does this all work?) Maybe by the time I do this, Tracita and Hans will want to go back for a visit to Holland. Maybe Tappy is pining to get back to Prague for a long vacation...who wants to go with me?? Seriously..I should seriously think about THIS!! WHOOO WHOOO WHOOO WHOOO (I think my sedative is still in my system from last night and is making me loopy!)

Watched "Babydoll" last night. Seen it before, but it's been awhile. Doesn't that movie just BURN YOU UP? It's hilarious and sexy and sinister. Tennessee Williams..what a genius! Elias Kazan..what a director! Eli Wallach..what a comedian! Karl Malden..what a perfect sadsack of a man! Carroll Baker..what a dumb sexpot (or maybe she ain't so dumb...) I forget how much I've always loved this movie. If you HAVE NOT seen it..you must because it's a classic (and was considered one of the "dirtiest" films of it's time...(it's pretty damn tame, but still has some intensely erotic moments!)

Why am I in this office doing menial work? It's driving me crazy today. My creative side..my funny side..All my sides are just subverted and pushed under the rug and squashed in this office. I'm so bored with it (but it's good $$...) Oh well....Ps...I wonder why I am ALWAYS dreaming about ghosts? Any ideas?