2003-06-30 : Stupid, Stupid Monday!!
Happy Fucking Monday Morning. Yea, if ONLY I WAS having sex on Monday Morning. I don't know if or why I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I just know I don't wanna be here. I'm so sick of this fucking job. I don't want anybody to speak to me or look at me or ask me how my weekend was (well, except maybe L, cuz she's my friend and I can just say straight out "God...I feel like murdering somebody this morning and I DON'T want to be here..." I just want to be invisible. Why am I so fucking cranky? I know why. It's cuz I just want to NOT be working here anymore...cuz I want to not be in Seattle anymore..I just want to be down in Eugene NOW. I miss Larry. We have no officially confused our love for each other. It's very sweet. "I love you" ...sometimes those words are extremely frightening to say or hear for the first time, but they are also exceedingly beautiful and comforting and often bring a tear or two to my eyes when they are first uttered to me or by me. Larry told his cousin that I was moving down/in. His cousin doesn't really remember me (I tend to blend into the wallpaper at parties and the like) and said "Who the fuck is Stacey" and then L. explained what I looked like and his cousin said "OH" (I still don't know if he ever noticed who I was in the first place) and when his cousin asked L. why I was moving down there/in to the house L. said "cuz I love her" and he TOLD me that he said this and I said "Funny how you can TELL YOUR COUSIN you love me" but yet you can't tell me that. So he did. He said "Stacey, I love you." And so there you have it! He's in the process of painting "our" room the dark red that I requested...It's dark grey now...or maybe it's partially red at this point. I feel less cranky thinking and talking about all this. I'll just pretend I"m not sitting in a cubicle putting off the inevitable work of paperwork and calling insurance companies.

Mom got in to Sea-tac Saturday night at around 9:35 pm. I took the #174 down there to lead her back to my place. It was great to see her. Its funny cuz we look quite a bit alike and now our hair is the same style, length. Mine is bright red though and hers is sort of a light brown. As soon as she saw me she put a gorgeous Yellow lei around my neck...I've already forgotten the name of the flowers but they smelled SO fragrant and yummy. THen we decided to take the long "cheap" way home by taking the public bus back from the airport to my place. I'm not sure it was worth saving $$. She had two HEAVY (I mean one probably weighed 50 pounds) suitcases and it was a nightmare getting them up and down the bus steps. Of course, most of the men/boys on the buses were all little shithead punks and they didn't even ask if we needed help (which we did)...fucking assholes. Typical of Seattle, sometimes. I guess you are either raised to be a gentlemen or you aren't. On Thursday we are either having Jay drive us to the airport (mom offered him $$) or taking a limousine/shuttle. The other thing that really irritated me on the bus (esp. cuz I was tired) were the loud teenagers sitting at the back. I just wanted to look them directly in the eyes and say "You know...this isn't your fucking living room so WHY DON"T YOU LOWER YOUR VOICES OR SHUT THE FUCK UP?" but of course I just cursed at them under my breath. Maybe I just need a cigarette..maybe that is why I'm so irritable right now.

Mom and I went down and watched the Gay Pride Parade blast it's way down Broadway yesterday afternoon. That was alot of fun. Very Festive, Very Funny. We also ate Piroshky's and then we had to take naps after digesting those heavy things and then last night Jay came over and we went to The Teapot Vegetarian House up on 15th and had yummy food (though it really fucked up my intestines..aren't you glad for those details?) and then we rented "The Hours" (which I'd seen)....and that left me feeling heavy and bummed out. I like it though (I saw it in the theaters when it first came out)...I'm not sure Jay and my mom liked it as much as I did. Mom is cooking supper tonight. I look forward to that cuz she is such a wonderful cook. It is nice having a mom to take care of me...Yea for MOM!