2004-01-11 : Night Tears and Movie Scenes
I tend to stop reading and try for sleep around 10:30, and sometimes as soon as the light is turned out (or maybe wait 10 minutes) I start to feel the night-time sadness that I've seemed to have been born with. Tears spill down my cheeks and I can't even pinpoint the sadness. Something about loneliness, insomnia and being the last one awake in a bed makes me hostile and teary-eyed. I've always gotten sad when my boyfriend/husband falls asleep first (which has been quite frequent, though I was with men that stayed up til WAY past my bed time every night)...It's like, I want to hug them and wake them up and have them cure my loneliness or tell me that they love me, or have sex with me or whatever, but once they are asleep, I feel forbidden to even touch them...So, I turn on my side, waiting for sleep and comfort to come. The comfort is much more easily found and it makes the sadness start to dissipate. To stretch out and feel the tingly warmth that is my body under warm blankets starts to dry up my tears. To smell the little lavendar and buckwheat pillow I hug to my chest most nights starts to calm my heart and on rare occassions, like tonight..to have my two cats in close proximity to my body, purring, twitching, doing what my cats do best, makes the sadness go completely away. Poppy curled up against my stomach, taking it's round shape as her own pillow, I love it. Opal, lying up close to the side of my head, her rolling her stocky side onto half of my arm as if she's hugging me, sticking my face in her fur and inhaling that musky scent that only black cats seem to emit, I sigh a big sigh of relief. But the reason I really wanted to write this entry was because I was lying in bed and thinking about movie scenes (almost all containing a song or band) that I had running through my head that I haven't seen for awhile and love:
***Peter Cook and Dudley Moore in "Bedazzled"...when Peter Cook is doing his "pop star" thing on stage and his deadpanned song about apathy and "you bore me" sung in that monotone voice (and it's oh, so very MOD!) just cracks me up!
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The scene in "Blow Up" (Oh so very MOD, as well!) where we are taken inside a club only to see the Yardbirds just ripping it up on stage. Great. Great. Great.
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The opening sequence in "The Hunger" Deneuvue and Bowie picking up those punky/goths, Bauhaus playing in the club...
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In "Wings of Desire" when Bruno Ganz (the angel that becomes mortal) goes into that beautiful, dark bar, and his circus love is there, dancing to a very sexy Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds on stage.
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The near-opening sequence in "Head" (the Monkees movie for you un-initiated (ha ha) where they all jump into the water and "The Porpoise Song" starts..such a beautiful song and such a beautiful underwater scene.
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The ridiculous mock-funeral/slash-wedding done by hippies in a Park in "Psych Out", while The Seeds (Sky Saxon still looking sexy and not haggard) are groovin' on their song in the park. If anybody HAS NOT seen "Psych Out" (I mean..fans of Jack Nicholson, fans of The Seeds, Haight-Ashbury, Dean Stockwell, cheesy drugploitation flicks, and just general groovy 66/67 acid freak out movies) You gotta find it somehow, someway. I wish I owned a copy, damn-it. Does anybody out there own "Pysch Out?" Ah, so many Dvd's and videos (some probably out of print) that I want and so little cash. Oh well, goodnight, don't let the bed bugs bite!!
