2004-09-01 : Night Nurse and Red Dust and Rainy Days and Death Photography and Birthday Things
Ah..it is the first day of an Autumn month and it's raining and I've been drinking tea, so it already feels like the first OFFICIAL day of Fall, though that doesn't come until Sept. 22.

Tommorrow is my 35th birthday. I wonder what we'll do to celebrate. I got a large envelope from my step-dad yesterday. It had a card with some $$ (thanks dad!) and two posters (cat-themed) that he "thought I might like"...truth be told, even as a 12-year-old I wouldn't have liked these posters. I appreciate him thinking of me and I KNOW it's the thought that counts, but it makes me sort of sad that he hasn't A CLUE as to what I like or even what kind of a person I really am. So, they'll sit in their shrink-wrap in the closet until I sell them at a garage sale for a quarter a piece. I KNOW, I KNOW...this makes me sound like a horrible person but I'm just being honest. He also included a picture I'd taken of my friend, Nestra, way back when I was in high school. It's black-n-white and she's entering my school and flipping me/the camera off. He also found two of my early-ish poems, which I am including here for your enjoyment:



Repellant



I wear it as a secret,


all of it, nothing underneath a skirt


I put it on strong: stinging perfume


enough to nauseate. Seductive bug spray


a repellant to success.


It's like I've got menstruation in my mouth.


I go home alone.



**************

Hmmm....that is one disgusting image (blood in the mouth)...guess I was a tad bit angry, huh? Here's another that is prose than poetry and is untitled.

******************

Untitled



I'm as bad as a Catholic, fetishes for candles and comfort in mumbling under my breath. Rituals that just give me a chance to space out, not any change to think. I just listen to cars, trees, wind. The kissing in my head is always much more frenzied after the fact. All of this pretend transcendence, only to keep drawing women with the most pathetically straight faces. Their eyes are as inky as those black candles, but I don't use dark candles anymore, only good white vibrations, purify my home. But wax sticks to cloth forefer and my cat wheezes on the incense, so much for enlightenment. Goodbye Buddha, Krishna, Jesus: Fuck You All.



***********

The ending on that cracks me up!!! How DARING...How..How, SACRILEGOUS (Sp?)

God, now that I think about it..I really haven't written much of anything (besides this diary thing) in the year that I've lived in Eugene. I think I've written 2 poems in that entire time. Pathetic. Oh well...it either comes or it doesn't.

******************************

Larry was asking me what CD I want for my birthday and I told him Interpol's new one "Antics", but then I realized that it isn't even out yet (not until the end of September). If haven't listened to Interpol and you like Joy Division and the like..check out "Turn on the Bright Lights"...So then I also told Larry I wanted Clinic's newest ("Winchester Cathedral") but I've been reading alot of reviews of the album calling it sort of mediocre-ish, but fuck the reviews. I need to hear it for myself because I'm a big Clinic fan. Oh, I'm fascinated with this site: (WARNING: It is 19th century memorial photography. That means pictures of recently departed loved ones, so if this freaks you out, don't go to the web-site. I find it fascinating, others will find it too utterly morbid for words, I guess):

http://thanatos.net/mementomori/main.php

I'm always too lazy to link, just take the time to paste it up into the browser. I was esp. fascinated by the photo of the entire family on the bed. I've been trying to do more research into their tragedy but I haven't found much info.

And on THAT somber note, I am going to leave you now. I rented more Pre-Code movies and I'm excited to watch "Night Nurse" (Barbara Stanwyck and Clark Gable/1931) and "Red Dust" (Jean Harlow/Clark Gable/1932)...How many Porno's do you think are out there with a title like "Night Nurse"? Ha! Ha!