2004-10-07 : Dreams of Owen Wilson, Book on Abusers and Counseling
I had this dream last night (this morning) that I was dating this guy that looked like or WAS Owen Wilson and everything was hunky-dory and we were riding around in his car but when I brought up the subject of where he lived, he became really uncomfortable. I hugged him and said "Look, it's ok if you still live with your parents...that doesn't bother me." But he finally admitted that he lived with several female roomies and that they all had sex with him whenever anybody felt like it. I was mortified and upset and knew I couldn't continue to date him.
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I'm reading "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men"..it's written by a man that leads Abuser workshops/therapy. It's really insightful and I'm learning that some of the things I think about domestic violence and the esp. the abusers are myths to a certain degree. The author doesn't paint the abusers out to be monsters but he doesn't have much sympathy for them, either. It's an excellent book for women that are questioning whether or not they are with an abuser (he also acknowledges that not all the abuser scenarios are men abusing women, it can also be male couples, lesbian couples, etc.) I'm reading it to help me prepare for my training at WomenSpace and also because my mom originally bought it (per my recommendation...I found it on the web) for my sister. So I'm sending it to her after I read it. My sister's abusive boyfriend is back in her life. The last time I talked to her she said he was going to Alaska and was out of her life and she was going to go about trying to straighten out her life, but my sister's friend called my mom last week and said they are back together again. Oh well....it is her choice. I will support her emotionally, but if her kids are being exposed to this shit then they might need to be taken away from her. I'm hoping she will read the book. I'm hoping he won't see it and tear it to shreds first. I guess he has a history of destroying my sister's possession (and wrecking her cars, etc.) I just wish she would realize that things with him ARE NOT going to get better and that he will continue to pattern and it will get worse and worse.
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I start counseling tonight. I wonder what it will be like? I haven't had any counseling since um, probably 1997 or 1998. I've had two marriages split up SINCE then and have never had counseling even for that. I think I am blocking alot of painful things in my life and have been since my first marriage broke up in 1998. This should do me quite a bit of good, I think!
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Mom is going to Italy on the 15th of this month. I'm extremely envious!