I'm having another couple of happy days. Yesterday I went to Harry and David to sign paperwork for my seasonal job (I can't wait to earn just a LITTLE bit of money so I can help Larry out with the bills for a change!) He was trying to say he wasn't gonna let me pay bills and that I could just use the money I earned on myself. I appreciate his kindness, but damn..I WANT to help out so I feel less dependent. He's too nice sometimes!!
I was wearing these cool vintage black leather shoes from the 1920's and I always feel powerful when I wear shoes with chunky, or clunky heels. I walk down the street with this feeling like "I kick ASS! I could kick YOUR ASS!" Ha Ha..I really don't wanna hurt anybody, but I feel POWERFUL in big boots or even in petite flapper shoes with heels!
I stopped in this one St. Vinnie's type thrift store and all men's sweaters were on sale for $1.00 (as were several ugly women's sweaters)..I find a nice, big comfy men's sweater that is sort of a brownish/moss green color. It looks comfy. I need to buy more pants and more cold weather clothing. I realized that I just don't have enough.
Then I stopped by Larry's work to tell him I was going to a movie and wouldn't be home until later. That was my only slight set-back in the mood department. He acted like he barely knew me. I know he was at work though and even though my feelings were hurt I realized I was just being a big fucking baby. What did I want? Him to make out with me in his office or in front of customers? I guess a quick hug would have been nice, but he was just busy. I walked out and said "Bye" in sort of depressed and hurt tone and he caught on cuz he did whisper "Sorry" but I still felt bad.
Then I went to The Pearl St. Ice Cream Parlour (Larry and probably everybody else in Eugene thinks this place is nasty and stupid but I LIKE it because it's gaudy and has red wallpaper from the 70's and ice cream and tons of candy and milkshakes and BLT's and burgers and grilled cheese and video games if I wanted to play those(which I never do)..I had a burger and fries (which were good, so THERE, Larry!) and a nasty but somehow good peppermint shake. It was exactly the color of Pepto-Bismal!! So, I left feeling slightly sick from grease and sugar but I think I was also high from grease and sugar (no wonder I am about 20 pounds or more overweight!) and then I went to The Bijou and saw "I Heart Huckabees." OH MY GOD. I LOVED that movie. It's a really hard movie to describe plot-wise, but mood wise it reminded me of movies like "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind", etc. I thought Dustin Hoffman, Lily Tomlin, Mark Wahlberg and ESPECIALLY Jason Schwartzman were incredible. It is surreal and absurd and I laughed so much (more than alot of the others in the audience) and it actually was fairly philosophical about human nature in a way that made ALOT of sense. I left the movie smiling like a dork..it's a really "feel good" movie in a very un-typical "feel good" movie way. GO SEE IT and tell me what YOU think!!
So then I caught a bus back and it was dark out and I watched the lights of the buildings and cars flash by and I was warm inside the bus and it was really chilly outside and I was listening to a great 60's garage comp on headphones and I couldn't stop SMILING. I was also smiling INSIDE (OH MY GOD..I can't believe I Just typed that! Oh well..it's true and cliched and dorky!)
As I was walking home, in the crisp dark air, dressed all in black (like a cat burglar), walking powerfully and quickly in my heels and listening to great music I suddenly felt more alive than I have in MONTHS. I wanted to bottle that feeling and sniff it whenever I need a pick-up like that. I think it's about time I deserve to feel a little happy again, don't you??
And now, I need to write and write and write more of "The Imipramine Experiment" and THEN I need to join a church and spread the love. Ha! Ha! Ha!
