This morning I had this REALLY difficult and complicated order I had to take from this old lady who was ok at first but then grew more and more impatient with me. At one point I had to put her on hold and have a team leader finish up her call because I just burst into tears. I wish to GOD I could control my emotions..but I just can't. I get stressed. I cry. I panic. I can't breath...and SLOWLY I snap out of it. Not quickly, but slowly. I'm trying not to be too hard on myself. God..I wish they had done a better job of training us. I blame the lack of training..fuck them. Blah, Blah, Blah. At that point I'd only been there an hour or two and I had decided in my mind that "I QUIT." I was thinking "Nope..I can't do this job. I can't even finish this fucking shift" but I calmed down somehow and I made it through the rest of the day and I feel more confident. I still dread it, though. It gives me HIGH ANXIETY...a full 8 hours of little baby panic attacks. Hopefully those will subside in a day or so when I'm more comfortable. Do I complain much? I sure as hell do. But, on the bright side of things...several of the people (esp. this guy that lived in Hawaii) that called and ordered stuff were REALLY nice folks and I chatted easily with them...I even talked about Pahoa, HI with the one guy that lived in Honolulu, but then I had to get back to business..He was cool, though. I just have to keep psyching myself up with phrases like "I'm doing good." "I'm doing the best I can do because I'm only a beginner." "It isn't so bad. I can work this 2 week seasonal job." If I keep telling myself that I can do it, I can do it...(I think...)
I wish my friend Dutch Cheese would up-date. Where are you Dutch Cheese? How is Eastermar?
Larry is the MASTER of getting shit done. I really admire him sometimes. He takes on projects at work, and here at home and he goes to town and finishes them. I wish I had his drive. He finished painting our new guestroom tonight. It's so ORANGE. I have to get used to it. It didn't seem that orange on the color card at the paint store, it seemed more like a dark peach..I think it'll look cool in daylight, though. We'll see. Guava Jam. Guava Jam.
Lots of people emailed me stating that they wanted to read my rough draft of "The imipramine Experience" now that it's completed. That made me happy..to know that people were interested enough in my writing. That gave me a much needed boost of self-confidence! Thanks guys! Special Thanks to KooklaFran, because she urged me to do it..and I don't think I would have if she hadn't sent me a challenge! Thanks!
