2005-03-08 : This is some total rambling bullshit on my part and for that I apologize
Man, Mick Collins is a genius. I'm listening to a Blacktop comp that J. recorded foor me at some point. The Gories, Blacktop, The Dirtbombs (and I'm sure I'm not even listing all his incarnations)...it's causing me to shake and shimmy and flail away in my chair. I need to get up away from this computer and actually DANCE. I need to start doing some sort of cardiovascular exercise on a regular basis, again. I think it'd give me more energy. Sometimes I feel like I'm dying. I know this makes no sense to me and is part of my whole anxiety-ridden, pseudo-hypochondriac trip, but I feel so listless so much of the time. It's probably because I don't exercise enough, don't eat well enough, spend too much mind-numbing time on the computer, etc. I could blame it on a whole plethora of things. I have being feeling so restless and discontent recently. It was fun getting out of this fucking town, but as soon as I return and the weekdays full of boredom and endless hours of nothing start up again I just want to..I don't know. I need CHANGE. I'm so sick of routine, but yet I feel most comfortable with it because it causes me the least amount of stress. It's beautiful outside and I should be out there, walking, talking to the neighborhood cats, planting seeds I don't have, etc, but I'm so fucking lazy. Have I ever really had motivation to do much of anything? Yes and no. God, I'm totally rambling at this point. I just want to bust out of this shell I find myself trapped in. People give me suggestions about occupying my time: "Go the library", "cook something yummy", etc. but I hate it when people give me advise sometimes, know what I mean? Most of the time I'm just venting and not seeking advice anyway. Ok, I need to get off this fucking computer, but instead I'll probably end up taking some surveys because my life is that pathetic and I'm that bored. Ugh..I might erase this entry. How can I start out talking about music I love and end with this whining? Fuck, Fuck, Fuck everything.