Josiah (Baby Joe) is exactly 1 month old today. I wonder what Sarah would be doing with him right now? Actually, I think this is about the time he would have been born under normal circumstances. She'd be exhausted but happy.

I'm so paranoid about reporters reading this, but I don't want to keep it locked. It makes me think about what I should or should not write in here involving the baby, etc.

I look at the little turquoise ribbon that I have pinned on my cubicle (at work) next to two older photos of Sarah and myself with a certain amount of wistfulness. That turquoise ribbon brings back a flood of memories from being in Hawaii and seeing Sarah for the last time and of her group of lovely friends who gave out those ribbons. It reminds me of swimming in the ocean while I was over there and reminds me of the last time I said goodbye to her "body"...Happy and Sad. Bitter and Sweet.

I got my haircut a few days ago. No more long hair. I have a flapper bob (or mid 60's mod bob) depending on how you look at it. It felt good to see all my red hair lying on the floor of the salon. I wonder if sadness if stored in hair? I feel like it was in my case and now I feel a little more light. I am feeling much more happy these days. Maybe it's the Doxepin kicking in. Anything helps...cutting my hair, taking the antidepressant.

I miss you Sarah.

do the jerk * do the frug